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dindy ( member #38424) posted at 9:58 PM on Sunday, January 5th, 2014
Great post Aubrie and spot on. I thought I had this real love but I was wrong. I hope I can find this one day too.
Sending lots of good 'love' vibes for your R journey. :)
dindy ( member #38424) posted at 10:19 PM on Sunday, January 5th, 2014
Wow, I've just re-read this 4 times. It's really made me cry. It's amazing how much the littlest things can be taken for granted. 
lostandhopless ( member #41568) posted at 4:33 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....
Divorced 6/13/14
Trying2Survive1 ( member #40022) posted at 5:13 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
3xloser ( member #34735) posted at 4:24 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
I love the description of "love." So true. Lurv is an illusion. A dangerous and potentially destructive one.
Ascendant ( member #38303) posted at 4:27 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Right. 'Lurv' is "The Bridges of Madison County"
alwaysclass ( new member #42200) posted at 8:57 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Thanks so much for re-posting as I'm new to SI. Even though we never attempted to R ( did once after his first affair) this hit home. It really described what I believe love is. The airbrushed selfies made me laugh and trigger at the same time...2 years from D-day and it still hurts...
Edited to remove inappropriate comment for this forum. My apologies.
[This message edited by alwaysclass at 2:43 PM, February 10th (Monday)]
BS me 51
DWS him 52
Married 23 years
2 DSs 18y & 15y
D day 10-25-2011
Divorce final 10-25-2012...eerie same
womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 10:40 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
lovehonorcherish - there would be no SI if people did not believe that Pinterest quote, no?
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2014
Alwaysclass,
Please keep in mind what forum you're in. You can start your own thread in General if you would like to vent about OW.
Thank you.
shatteredapart ( member #41978) posted at 3:24 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2014
Thank you posting Aubrie it made me cry. I have mentioned things like this to WH...asking would you do these things with or for OW? You know you're in love when you go through life's ups and downs with someone. When you see each other at your worst and don't judge accepting that life isn't perfect. Luuurv is hiding behind smoke and mirrors and choosing to feed into fantasy instead of embracing the wonderful imperfections of reality.
Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell
eleanor2012 ( member #35655) posted at 5:50 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014
soosorrymom ( member #24046) posted at 9:19 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014
Thank you this was a wonderful post . I'm only 7 weeks out if D2 and still facing the reality of what I have done. While in LA it all seemed wonderful and roses but now that I am owning my shut. I realize true love isn't easy it's sharing the good and bad and being there for each other . I've hurt my BS so bad I'm not sure he will ever forgive me but I'm doing the work and hope we can both find strength and true love for each other in future
me- FWS 40
Him- FBS 42
Married 13 years together 22years
2 amazing kids 12 & 8
DDay May 2008
Mommato5 ( member #42624) posted at 1:01 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
I think you crawled into my head and wrote this!
Thanks!
Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts
mrs7 ( new member #42505) posted at 3:16 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
Me -WW - 49
Him -BH -45
DD - 1-21-14
no children together
M - 3 1/2 years, together 7
Sadmumma ( member #42192) posted at 12:48 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
Wow. Sobbing bad here......
[This message edited by Sadmumma at 6:49 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]
On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014
medicinetaker ( new member #42527) posted at 1:44 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
Love is when you confess your infidelity, you look up into their tear filled eyes and hear, "I forgive you. I will give you another chance. Do not mess this chance up. I love you and am willing to do what it takes to make this work."
I would love to hear this come out of my BH's mouth...
Me: WW- 40's 4 month sexually charged EA Him: BH- 40's M- 17 years 3 kids
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”
griefandrelief ( member #42210) posted at 6:46 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
How long did it take you to recognize that the AP was not who you thought he/she was? How far does a WS go to convince yourself that the AP is the real deal and then what makes you stop and re-assess the situation in order to recognize what you have lost or might lose?
Love ... dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -Anais Nin
D-day 1/24/14. Divorcing. Moving forward in fits and starts.
Aubrie (original poster member #33886) posted at 10:58 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
How long did it take you to recognize that the AP was not who you thought he/she was? How far does a WS go to convince yourself that the AP is the real deal and then what makes you stop and re-assess the situation in order to recognize what you have lost or might lose?
I don't think there is a "one size fits all" answer. The answers will vary by WS. Some WS go in never thinking the AP is anything special. That they were just someone convenient. Other WS, including some on SI, still swear their AP was "special" and they had a magical love.
I was a little awestruck by the AP. I saw alot of his flaws and I saw red flags, but chose to ignore them. Cause who isn't flawed, right? 
The AP and I went into this with the deal, our spouses are not to be involved or affected. Its me and him, filling our "need" and going about our business. Right.
Thing is, AP didn't want to leave QS out of it. He loved to talk crap about him. He got off on it. When I was talking to AP, I didn't *want* the constant reminder of my husband. Just shut up, make me feel good, don't bring up my husband. Then as things escalated, AP told me to stop doing certain things with QS. The "relationship" was walking into my marriage. Which is what it wasn't supposed to do. My husband was being hurt. And he didnt even know it. The more I thought about it, the more it shook me up, and I realized just how screwed up my thinking was. I ended it.
I knew the AP wasn't a magical unicorn, but I didn't realize just how efffed up he was, or clearly see him as he really was till several weeks out from Dday.
Does that answer your question?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
bluebird25 ( new member #42670) posted at 4:36 PM on Wednesday, March 5th, 2014
Thank you for posting this!
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