SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm so sorry to hear about your brothers, mom of 2. The mixing in with soil around a tree might be lovely, especially if you're planning to stay in your home a while.

My father (still living) has an extensive list of the places he'd like his ashes scattered. When my parents hit 70 with their full health and mental capabilities they decided to write their living wills and regular wills and their post-life wishes. They gathered us all together for a weekend to explain to us the way their trust is set up, and to ask each one of us to play the part they assigned us as either executors, medical power of attorney in case they're unconscious and other stuff like that.

For some reason my dad thought it would be fun to sketch out the reverse treasure hunt he'd like us to go on as a family while scattering his ashes. With great excitement and fanfare he read us the first 2 places he'd like to be scattered, complete with some suggested conversations starters "in case things get awkward after you scatter me around," suggestions for lodging and additional local activities we might want to try.

He says the other places are only to be revealed once he's gone. I have no idea if any of them are legal. My dad is a complete rascal and would probably find it fascinating if his upstanding adult children were arrested while scattering his remains around.

Cremation's been pretty popular in my family. When my mom died back in '97, Dad and I took some of her cremains to London, which was her favorite place in the world, and sprinkled them off a bridge over the Thames at night. It was just magical to watch them get caught by the air current over the river and float off into the moonlight. But there are a lot of cremains for a typical human, so I have some of her ashes in a heart-shaped glass bottle on my dresser, and some of her ashes went to her family's cabin in mid-state NY, to be with her parents' cremains already scattered there. And we still have some of her ashes to take to Greece some day.

Dad and his parents are still in their original cremain containers awaiting sprinkling. When Dad died in 2012, we didn't have any idea that he had his parents' cremains in his house -- one of the many things he forgot during his ordeal with Alzheimers, so that was a surprise when going through his things. Anyway, Dad and our grandparents are currently in deep storage until my sister's house is done, then she and I will be taking some of Dad over to London to be with Mom. The grandparents wanted to return to their hometown in WV, which I'll need to figure out.

The director of the summer camp where I spent 13 summers as a camper then counselor passed away a few years ago and was cremated. At her service on the camp grounds, we former campers and counselors were each given a little tin of her ashes to sprinkle in a spot somewhere around the camp that meant something special to each of us.

My father died four years ago on the 9th of this month. He absolutely LOVED New Orleans (aka Nawlins) and called it "the motherland." His wishes were for part of his remains to be put in the bay his house was on; the rest were to be scattered around Nawlins. And that's exactly what my sister and I did... we took a day, walked all around the French Quarter and scattered his ashes wherever moved us.

I never thought about the legalities of it until this thread but I'm pretty sure he was watching and smiling all the while.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

(((mom of 2)))

[This message edited by wildbananas at 6:26 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

My buddy was told it was illegal and he scattered them anyway. It was his mother's last wish. No one called out the State Police.

I'm normally very law-abiding, but that's what I'd do, too.

Most people I've known who've scattered relatives' ashes have opted for fairly rural locations, with plenty of vegetation. First do no harm..... I don't see how ashes can be considered a health hazard in the wilds. And it's unlikely that so many people would simultaneously opt for the same location that it would become an eyesore. In this case, it seems to me that any law banning the practice is simply the triumph of cold-hearted bureaucracy over compassion.

So if it meant a lot to the bereaved, or to the person they'd lost, in this situation I'd definitely say "Hang bureaucracy" and I'd quietly take what I would, in all conscience, consider to be the right course of action.

I'm sorry you've lost your only siblings within such a sort space of time, Mom of 2. The losses must have been very hard to bear.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 7:05 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

Hi Momof2 when my mom passed away 10 yrs ago we were able for a nominal amt to purchase a permit to scatter her ashes per her request. My brother died on Dec 3 and that is what I think I am going to go and request a permit and scatter him as well by where he liked by Lake Meade. This is a hard time of the yr but I just keep telling myself it will get better.

Dghen