SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I will go out of limb here and damn it.

In Jan 2014 ItsaClimb wrote:

You can be hung like a donkey (god forbid!) but if you don’t know how to use your fingers gently and yet firmly (and in the right area!), you are not going to make your lady smile. That’s a fact! And guys, I am going to let you in on a little secret….. it would seem that the vast majority of ladies like the oral action. Just saying! In my personal experience, and judging by the comments of that group of ladies that night: it is his willingness to lick that is of far more importance than the size of his dick!

I used to be MASTER of this but since I discovered my WW’s 3 year PA, a year ago, I can no longer bring myself to it. Not even HB could bring me to do it. I feel that my wife threw that “SPECIAL” for us to the dogs. We are now trying to R, painstakingly, but I have my serious doubt if I will be ever be able to reclaim what I considered my exclusive territory. I just can’t imagine. Since things in that department have come to zilch. Now I have to mourn and curse WW for robbing me what was ours, or rather, mine.

What are other BS/WS experiences in this area???

I don't care if I have a small dick. Still feels good to me!

[This message edited by UneasyFeelings at 2:19 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

It's not the size of the wand it's the wizard behind it

ItsaClimb wrote:

it would seem that the vast majority of ladies like the oral action. Just saying! In my personal experience, and judging by the comments of that group of ladies that night: it is his willingness to lick that is of far more importance...

This is where my problem lies: How can WH bring himself to go down there with the full knowledge of what has been there?? How can the M survive if before the A this was the specialty in the bedroom menu?? Am I making a mountain out a molehill?? How have WS overcome this dilemma?

Help please!!

Hi Guss. Im not WS..Im a BW. I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I have the same problem. Before WH cheated, going down on him was *my* specialty. I took great pride in pleasing him this way...but now? Not so much.

You see...my WH cheated on me with a man(I got a few surprises on dday)...he GAVE oral sex to a man. Oh..and I spoke to that man...and got details..enough to know that my WH used a few of *my* moves when he did this.

I tried, for a very long time, to continue going down on him. But..you know what? FTN! It makes me trigger..it is something I just endured. I was trying to force myself to not think about IT. A few months ago I decided no more. Nada. I.am.done. FWH says he understands, and doesn't try to make me feel bad.

Tell your WW you won't be doing that for awhile..if ever. Don't torture yourself. If she doesn't like it..too fucking bad. Maybe you can try that again at some point..but take it off the table for now.

ETA: Im assuming you got your BS/WS acronyms mixed up..and you are a BH(betrayed husband)..yes?

[This message edited by confused615 at 8:51 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

I've been reading posts here for twelve years (if that matters).

I can tell you that people cheat because they are fu@ked in the head, not in any other place. At least temporarily.

And, although tempted otherswise, "that's all I am going to say about that."

TR

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 9:11 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

True, am a BH. Let's just say, going down there was largely my specialty in the menu, more than WW's. Now because WW was ****ked up in the head, am forever denied of this or let's say until in the most unlikely event the triggers vanish in the distant future. Why should I stay?

Trying to R,

Gus

Guss, my FWH is a MASTER, too of that special menu item. He loves giving and I adore receiving. The way I look at it is this. The fucking OW bitch took so much from me (granted, FWH willingly gave) and tried very hard to destroy our marriage. (stalking, fishing for 8 years after affair ended) OW will not take one more fucking thing from me. OW will not destroy MY sex life. We will make hot, steamy fantastic mind movies for the OW. I can only hope that OW is in agony over knowing what It is missing and what I am getting. I hope all of Its sex partners either refuse (FWH alluded to a fishy smell ) or aren't good.

Guss, my FWH is a MASTER, too of that special menu item. He loves giving and I adore receiving. The way I look at it is this. The fucking OW bitch took so much from me (granted, FWH willingly gave) and tried very hard to destroy our marriage. (stalking, fishing for 8 years after affair ended) OW will not take one more fucking thing from me. OW will not destroy MY sex life. We will make hot, steamy fantastic mind movies for the OW. I can only hope that OW is in agony over knowing what It is missing and what I am getting. I hope all of Its sex partners either refuse (FWH alluded to a fishy smell ) or aren't good.

SMS, that is a GREAT example of positive re-framing. Nicely done.

Thanks SMS, Ascendant et al for your reassuring insights. I have no doubt in my mind that you understand that it is the pain in me that is talking, or shall I say hallucinating? whatever...

Thanks again,

Gus

True, am a BH. Let's just say, going down there was largely my specialty in the menu, more than WW's. Now because WW was ****ked up in the head, am forever denied of this or let's say until in the most unlikely event the triggers vanish in the distant future

Guss, my workaround with my WW was to emphasize the fun, lusty, erotic, playful, kinky aspects of sex, and disconnect with it as the 'spiritual marital bond' and 'special union of our unique and eternal relationship'. It's mostly worked. Though there are a couple of activities I've not been able to enjoy, there are far, far more that are quite fun. Including some stuff we'd not done together before, nor her with her affair partner.

Might not work right away, might not work for some. But it's kept us going sexually.

Oh, and as to the topic of size, WW always said it didn't matter, until she was writing to a gal pal to tell her about her affair. She said rather clearly there that it did matter. Oh well, as someone said earlier, I can still have a good time with mine.