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I'm so sick to death of all the WS crying that goes on once their diabolical behavior is discovered. You had a choice, you choose to act like a bloody animal, now quit crying and face the consequences! I'm sick to death of the pity parties; poor me, my miserable life, my sad childhood, my lack of boundaries, my poor coping skills. Waaa waaaa waaa!

It was 100% your choice. No one held a gun to your head. Stop whining and crying about what you chose to do to your BS and family over and over again!

We, on the other hand were never given a choice. You choose this F-ing shit for us!

Sorry, I'm usually more compassionate, but I just can't muster it today.

I never got any form of crying or boo hoo. Sometimes I think it would have been nice to see even fake remorse. Could be just me though, I would have liked to use that fake remorse to actually yell at him.

I called the affair, he disappeared with no words, I never even got to say anything about it or say how mad i was.

Amen sister!

My WW is running around crying to everyone that will listen about how "BH kicked me out because I talked to a guy a little too much, and BH is jealous". She neglects to tell them how much they talked, how many times she was at his house, or that she spent the afternoon/evening with him at an Inn!

Edit - I forgot to mention the lying and deception. The telling me she wanted a D out of nowhere. And the coldness (nothing like I've ever felt or seen before). - End edit

With her, it is "poor me" all the time, and it makes me want to puke! Everyone thinks she is perfect, but no one knows her like I do. Well, I guess the OM knows too!

I'm with you on them making a choice! Our life history has been rewritten, and we were not given any choice in the matter. All of our memories and thoughts have been invaded and destroyed. No one asked us, and we are left trying to piece back together the past several years of our life. And, of top of it all, the person that had the choice, and made it for us, expects us to feel sorry for them!

I do feel sorry for my WW, but not because she is "laying in the bed she made". I feel sorry for her because she is broken.

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 1:45 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

I had been trying to be supportive of my fww and understanding of her pain as well as acknowledging my own pain.

I am not feeling it today. Instead I am getting drunk.

This is not a topic I probably should post in today. I got served another shit sandwich today. Fww told me today one of the fantasy locations she wrote about was Wash DC with her Online AP. I guess it was about fucking him in the waterfall at the FDR Monument. DC is essentially our hometown.

When asked why, she said she wanted to write about something she knows about. She prides herself on her prose. I almost feel she acted like a pro.

[This message edited by bobf at 1:57 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

Siouxsie, I think that can be one of the hardest things to deal with. You never get closure.

I know the ones that are trying to work on themselves and their marriage should be commended for at least trying to change. It's just that it really gets to me how sorry they all are after the bomb goes off, but are never sorry enough before that to stop themselves. I'm just feeling angry and betrayed today.

I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you can find a place of peace and solace.

The only true painful good-byes are the ones that are never said and never explained.

Ugh! And can I just say that sometimes MC and IC feels like just more of a pity party, only now they can justify it all with their sad stories.

Here's another Amen!

When I told my STBXH that there was no way to keep our house with him paying rent on a separate place he said, "That's the last nail in the coffin of the American Dream for me." I was speechless. I actually had to call him back and say, "You HAD the American Dream and you threw is away!" What selfish fuckwads.

I guess it was about fucking him in the waterfall at the FDR Monument

[This message edited by shiloe at 8:30 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

I have very little compassion for cheaters, and could care less about their silly excuses. Some do change but many do not. I look back on my marriage and know only one of us cheated. It was a 100% choice and its sickening that someone could be such a prick to their family. To make matters worse all their bullshit takes time and energy away from real healing. I liken it to the guy who pulls up to a car accident looks at the horribly injured, but instead of helping the victims, takes a selfie and posts on facebook how sick he is for seeing a wreck. Thanks for helping pal.

Honestly, I wish mine would cry.

Vent away jstbreathe!

For me, you know what sucked worse than the crying...when I realized the crying was an act or manipulation tactic. I got the crying and snot bubbles from my stbxww after dday. In hindsight it was crying over the fact that she got caught. I think there was some guilt but it wasn't for what she did to me. It was all about what was happening to her which leads back to selfish thinking.

Wow, the hurt, anger, and pain in these posts is tangible.

I'm so sorry for everyone's pain. I think it helps though to vent a little of the anger, and know we have been heard and validated. If not by our WS, at least by each other.

Thanks for sharing.

I also never got any remorse either Sioux, just denial and then he went into damage control mode and accused me of all the immoral behavior he had actually done leaving in the position of now having to defend myself. Then (light bulb) I realized I didn't buy a ticket on the crazy train so I got off at the next station.

Turned out the As were just the tip of the iceberg in crazy land, so, in a way I'm guess I'm thankful (or one day, in the hopefully not do distant future, I will look back and be thankful) for finding out my ex was cheating.

Absolutely! They chose to cheat, they should deal with the consequences accordingly...I just found out two weeks ago, while Christmas shopping that my WS had been cheating on me for 6 months.

I do believe he is remorseful. I've seen the tears, heard the tears, see he's trying...but WTF did it take someone telling me what was going on for him to finally STOP!

Though I see the remorse, I find it hard to believe. Time will tell if the tears are just bull.

I'm so sick to death of all the WS crying that goes on once their diabolical behavior is discovered.

Absolutely I feel the same way!

It's like they try to distract from their horrible behavior.

"I'm following my heart", "I never wanted this to happen", "He gave me love that you didn't"... ME ME ME!!

Yes, I'm growing, yes I'm becoming a better person. But I did not take my wife, and force her to have sex with this coward!

She cries about how regretful she is, and I just don't care. I sit there calmly and eventually say "I need to get to work".

I was going to make another thread but this pretty much sums up how I feel. Every time WH tries to tell me how "hurt" he is that he hurt me and how he has emotions I tell him I don't care. He's hate that but the cruel fact is he didn't put much thought into my feelings when he was out doing whatever! Why should I care? Why should I be sympathetic that he feels bad about the mess he created?

cl131716

I know what you mean. They sure didn't have any sympathy for the pain they would cause their BS or their children. Yes, it sickens me.

I'm in the same boat Siouxsie. No crying, just a short apology and a " I regret doing it". Then silence.

I asked my WS that in order to help me move on and quit being so angry and mean with her, we needed to talk. I didn't want any details, I just want you to how hurt I am. But no such talk

Now all I get is " it's over", "it's was short lived" " I don't want to talk about it". F@#K YOU!!!You destroyed everything with your selfishness and now you are being selfish again.

Anyways, it has been a month now since I found out. My days are getting a little better. I still do not know which direction I want to go. I'm still on the roller coaster of emotions but the ups and downs are not as steep.

God Bless all of you for being there for those of us who are hurting.

In reading the responses to this poignant post I see that many of you say your WS has never shown emotion. To have an emotion good or bad one must first be confronted with a situation. My challenge to you is to ask yourself what kind of consequence have you inserted into your WS life ? Do you still keep their dirty little secrets ? Have you exposed their A ? Have you set any boundaries ? Have you filed for D ? Etc, Etc, Etc. For every action there is a reaction. And if you sit there doing nothing allowing the WS to skate by without any form of consequence they have no motivation to do anything. I read here of many BS who sit by and allow the WS to dictate policy and basically run the show. Remember that infidelity comes down to a power struggle. Those who hold the power hold the map for the future. Take back the power and see who comes out on top in the end. Sorry for the TJ.

stronger08,

She's suffering consequences for sure. At times I'm downright mean to her. Not to get even, but I'm just beyond pissed off now.

There are tight boundaries on her, and none on me. If she doesn't like it, there's the 10th Street bridge that I'm sure she can live under.

I don't see cheaters any different than wild dogs, so I treat them as such.