SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel lime such a fool. Such s fool. Such a loser. How could I been so stupid.

Okay, it is human to feel like this after such a terrible thing. BUT, you are NOT a loser for trusting your wife. You are NOT a fool for loving her and doing what you were supposed to be doing as a husband. She and the OP are the fools. Even if you don't believe this yet, remember it and I hope one day you feel it. It's really easy to play the victim and feel sorry for ourselves, but it really just does nothing for us.

I also just wanted to tell you that I am going through so much of what you have written in your posts. I know everyone says, it's not about you, it's about them and it's really hard to comprehend that and feel it, but as time goes on, it makes more and more sense. It really was a selfish act on your WWs part.

Her A may have been "fun" but it's short-lived and not real and when she wakes up out of it for real, all she'll remember is that it was the worst mistake of her life! I get really angry when I think about the passion or butterflies or whatever nonsense they had, while I was home with no clue (or with a clue, but in denial) but when I tell him that now, he says all he feels is nauseous when he thinks about it. When the shit hits the fan and the fog wears off, they do not have fond loving memories of the A. When she realizes the devastation she's caused (especially her own awesome son) she'll be the one in pieces and you will have grown to such a stronger position by then. You take this time to work on you.

I initially saw your post on the other thread about penis size and felt bad when you mentioned you've had a hard time with this issue. I can't imagine the mental pain. I am sure it is really difficult because we want to compare ourselves, and to have to compare yourself in this way with another man who had no business with your spouse, is cruel. She did a horrible thing to have put you in this situation where you even have to think about that and have that kind of pain in your life. You do not deserve it. (And she knows you don't deserve ANY of what she's done, that's why your marriage sucked for that year, she was purposely sabotaging it to make it easier on her conscience). Anyway, please listen to all the posters there who say it does not matter and it has nothing to do with that. It's really irrelevant. Please try to keep that out of your head. It's not fair to you and it's all mental.

So sorry for your pain, hang in there!

[This message edited by Jewlz at 3:47 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Jewlz is right.

There is no reason to feel like a fool because another person, even your WW, has stabbed you in the back.

The only reason to ever feel like a fool is if you do not hold people who injure you accountable for their actions towards you.

I would only feel foolish if I laid down and ACCEPTED their shitty behavior.

You have nothing to be ashamed about.

In my opinion, you are being far too nice in the separation process. She screwed around, but she stays in the house?! Unless you have legally handed it over to her, go back!!

She repeatedly stabbed you in the back - you do not get a special medal for being nice. Don't get me wrong, starting a war would be stupid, but at least start fighting for yourself and get the best deal for YOU.

Furthermore, you leaving the marital home could have major implications on custody of your child as your wife could claim abandonment. If you decide to leave after, then no problem in leaving.

The following is what I would if I were in your position;

1) March straight back into the house if you are still legally able to. If she resists, just say that you have every right to live in it as she does.

2) [Optional] --> Grab the marital bed and throw it out symbolizing her destruction of the marriage. I know of someone who actually set fire to it in his backyard. Yeah it was a bit extreme, but also incredibly cathartic.

3) Employ 180.

4) Get a lawyer and file for divorce. Get the best deal for YOU. Not her, YOU!!

5) Expose her to families and friends through a cold email. Something like: "Due to my wife's relationship with a 3rd party i have decided to file for divorce. The purpose of this email is not to shame my wife, but to inform people the reason for our separation as well declaring that I intend to remain a big part of my son's life. I am fully committed to his upbringing." Something like that - do not get emotional and start blaming her etc.

6) If the other man has a girlfriend or wife - expose to them as well.

If this man is a player/predator you could put him up on cheaterville..com. Again this is not out of revenge, but to warn other people that this selfish man has no problem destroying people's lives for sex. I would put him up regardless and link his post to his work and family. This man had absolutely no problem wrecking your life.

My thoughts are with you.

Everyone has given you excellent advice. The only thing I want to add is that SHE should leave the marital home not you. The CHEATER should be the one to leave. Just plain right.

Thank you so much everyone.

Jewlz, your situation seems to be just like mine. Im very sorry.

Yes, I completely related to your posts. And it's always helpful to read the replies on others threads that are similar. Hope you're doing ok!

May I suggest that you go to the I Can Relate forum and find the Betrayed Men's thread? I think that you will find that you have a lot in common with them and they are a great group of guys. Keep posting here too there's a lot of fantastic people who are here to help you. But you might also want to check out the other thread.