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He broke NC. First time in 10 months.

He sent an email. Tells me about his Dad. Tells me a little bit about what has been going on in terms of reconnecting with estranged family.

Then, my favorite part: he tells me he thought I should know all of this, but no need to call him.

As if I would ever call to comfort the man who cheated on me, sexually assaulted me, lied to me, blameshifted me, gaslighted me, took his A underground, kicked me out of my own home, forced me to quit my job and start over, stole from me, cost me thousands of dollars, raged at me, broke the hearts of friends and family, and then disappeared.

Then he wishes me and "the family" all the best in the new year. "THE family." They are my family ahole. You lost that privilege, remember? As I recall, you threw it away with both hands.

And this is extra super crazy because he knows that I know he hadn't seen or spoken to this man in over 20 years, despite his father's sad efforts. I get that death can mess you up-- but I never even met his dad. Hs family has NCed me. So why in god's name does he think I need to know?

I want to scream. On one hand, I feel sorry for his loss in a general sense. I hate that this makes me so angry. On the other hand, it just seems so self serving. So tone deaf. Why bring me into it, when you explicitly don't want me to respond?

Help me. Why on earth did he send this? Why do I feel this way?

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 12:30 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

he tells me he thought I should know all of this, but no need to call him.

Sounds like a passive aggressive way for him to bait you into calling. So he can (possibly) reject you again.

Why on earth did he send this?

B/C he's a fucktard. E-mail: the passive aggressive, lazy way to communicate. Especially given the subject.

Why do I feel this way?

B/C you are a good person, PL. You still have compassion toward this flaming fucking douchebag, who, by all rights, you should hate with the burning fury of 4,000,000 suns. Yet, you can still have empathy for this pathetic excuse of a man. Simply put, you are an entirely different animal than he is.

((PL))

PL,

Vulcanized pretty much summed up what I was going to say.

He wants ego kibbles. He needs then right now. He hasn't contacted you in so long, and now here he is with some pathetic email which is totally self serving. And of course he wants you to respond. Why else would he write to you after months and months and months of NC. He needs you to respond. He needs to know that he still matters to you.

I'm sure his father's death makes him feel even sorrier for himself than what he already feels for himself. It's not about his dad or grieving his dad, it's about poor him. This is the same guy who has created a narrative in which you just up and left him. You divorced him, out of the blue...isn't that what he is telling his coworkers? Poor him! Now he lost his estranged father. More poor him. He wrote that part about you not contacting him so that he could say 1) I reached out to her and she never even bothered to write me back. Or 2) to protect his fragile ego in case you continued NC so he could say to himself that HE told you not to contact him. It's not as big of a blow to his ego that way when you continue to give him crickets. Cause he told you not to contact him.

Stay strong. It's all mind games. He's empty inside and needs to fill the emptiness somehow. He can't use you in that way anymore.

I know this is incredibly hard. Stay strong PL.

THIS:

You still have compassion toward this flaming fucking douchebag, who, by all rights, you should hate with the burning fury of 4,000,000 suns.

That pretty much made my night and helped me to sleep.

"the burning fury of 4,000,000 suns" is my new favorite line!