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Tikcuf (original poster new member #42010) posted at 12:10 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
It's been 34 or so days since D-Day. I would love to break the other guy in half. I feel like we have moved forward and she claims this experience as been so horrific she would never cheat again. However it has been only 34 days ... In 34 days I have gotten less than 110 hours of sleep and when I do sleep I have dreams.
It only took her 30 days to finally realize her web of lies and minimization were only making things work. So here I sit, annoyed, tired, irritated, sad and unhappy.
Do I want this relationship or not? God I do love her but can hardly stand to look at her sometimes. It's just all surreal; I sit hear reading other people's stories and I see some have been doing this 2, 3 and 4 years. Not me no way no how. I don't have it in me.
So I guess for now I can vent here .. clear my mind and move on. Until it's time not to move on with this relationship. I don't think she truly gets the fact that it is over and she ended it... I am fighting for a relationship that she quit on and now through a carthartic moment she supposedly wants. Only problem is she has not worked 1/10th as hard as I have at this. I lie awake at night tossing and turning and she's snoring ...
This is just a guy got kicked in the gut and continues to take kicks... for what I am not sure but I know one thing - I am no one's punching bag and if she can't get her head out of a** then I have to move forward.
I know how this story ends: 18 Months I am happier than I am today with or without her .. I have to step up take control and move forward. The only easy day was yesterday... nothing can be truer.
Thanks for letting me vent and ramble...
Only Easy Day Was Yesterday
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 12:12 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Welcome to SI, Tikuf.
You are always welcome to come vent. It sounds like you know what you need, and you know how to translate what she's handing out.
For the people who have been working in it for years, it IS a ton of work. It's only worth it if the WS is willing to own what they've done... and you are the only person who gets to draw the line for you.
Stay strong. I hope you are able to sleep soon.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 12:20 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
...just read your post. If and when you are interested in more opinions or advice in your situation, it would be helpful to write out your story in your profile.
It sounds like you're in some bothersome emotional pain right now, which is expected, normal, and problematic. The sleep part I would highly recommend you get some pharmaceutical help with...just temporarily. I did that and it made a HUGE difference for me. HUGE. You'll be able to think better during the day, and you need to be able to think well to process all of this and make good decisions.
Hang tough.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
lovedmesomehim ( member #25743) posted at 1:23 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Hi Tikcuf;
Yes, you do sound like you are in real pain and that is an understatement, I'm sure. We have all been there and you are in the right place to vent.
Vent all you want and ask all of the questions you want. There are terrific people here and the men on this forum are just the best.
They are honest, forthright and some of them are so brutally funny, that you will find your smile again.
Just keep posting. There are caring people here and as I said, the SI Brotherhood is just awesome.
Take care and keep posting and reading the information in the yellow rectangle to the left.
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