SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

All the text (that I have seen) to me have showed a desparate woman (and I use the word woman loosly) trying to get attention from a man. The messages were almost like she is infatuated with him. She wanted to get something out of him...but as far as I could see she didnt get it. Now she is texting things like why are you ignoring me. I told him he needed to change his phone number and he agreed. Do I take that as progress?

Yes it is good that he wants to change his number. I see that as progress. Have you sent a NC letter? I would suggest that he send a NC text to her. It should be simple and matter of fact. Then he needs to change his phone number.

He needs to be 100% transparent with you. Is he willing to go to IC/MC?

ETA. I don't remember, is she married or have a boyfriend?

[This message edited by brohl5 at 9:52 AM, January 17th (Friday)]

She is not married...has two kids with someone but they are not together. He has told her to stop texting him

Ok then he needs to change his phone number and he needs to agree to let you check it every day. You can compare his usage online. I know this stinks but until you feel comfortable, he needs to agree to this.

If she isn't going away, and they work together, has he considered reporting it to HR? If she is harassing him at work then he needs to protect himself.

And she needs to focus her needy attention on someone who is NOT married!!! Some people just have no moral compass!!!

I know! I was so angry and first...thinking it went further...thinking only the worst. I know what he did was wrong, but the more I look at this with open eyes, the more I believe that he did not do anything. He also has admitted that she did in fact want to take it further but he refused her and that is when he came clean to me about it.

I almost feel sorry for her. You can hear the desparation in her texts.

I know that he did wrong. But until I find out otherwise (and I will not stop) I have to believe that it was not taken further than EA. Not that it makes what was done any easier.

His worth is not more than mine, but I stood beside him and took our vows. I will stand beside him through this, whether we stay together or not, because he is my best friend.

If he has PTO that he can use before he gets another job make him use it, so he doesn't have to see her or work less days to limit contact. Affairs with co-workers are the worst and just seem to go underground after DDay. The fact that she said "I didn't throw you under the bus" still worries me. Be prepared for her/him to get a second phone because they know you are monitoring them.

I have thought of that also. He has PTO in Febuary and we had planned a trip with our kids. I hope that still happens...it seems so far off right now. It just kills me that she has no remorse. She did day she was sorry, but it was not real. She said she is trying to deal with this like a grown up. B**** please! You are not a grown up.

One minute I post I believe him, one minute I think something different. When does the rollercoaster stop...or even slow down a bit? This whole thing consumes me.

I know you'd said you'd rather direct your anger and hate towards her and not your husband, but in all fairness, she was encouraged by him to engage in this silliness. I'd read in your other thread that he claims she got his cell phone number because he had to call her cell phone as she'd lost it and needed to hear it ring in order to find it.

I don't blame you for trying to install spyware, cbrum. I'm beginning to think that she's the one who threatened to tell you about whatever is going on, so he told you first. My gut is screaming to me that there's more to this story.