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islesguy ( member #38090) posted at 7:42 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
My WS would never agree with me because I am a multiple offender cheater, a long term liar, a trickle truther and she has less than zero confidence in me. I cheated multiple times in college 20+ years ago before we were married and again as her husband.
I know that I would never cheat again because of the past 2+ years of horrific pain I have witnessed in her since she found out about my past. Unfortunately, for me rock bottom was seeing and experiencing her pain. This life experience has changed me forever whether or not my marriage survives I will never ever cheat again.
Me: WH
My BS has given me every opportunity to prove myself to her and I have failed again and again. I lied to her for well over 20 years and did nothing to help her. I made promises to her again and again that I would step up and still have not.
2B1again (original poster new member #40703) posted at 6:58 AM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014
The first DD was a lie. And I kept on lying...for four years. My wife reconciled and kept much of her pain from my view. I did see the hurt, the anger, and the pain four years ago but I was too self centered to really comprehend what I had done to her. I just went on my merry way. I told her that I wasn't happy with her...so typically despicable. My loving wife did everything for my before DD and after DD#1 she did even more- she treated me like a king and I was the happiest I had been in years and in turn I treated her better and she felt more secure and loving in our marriage as well. So everything was perfect- except it was all a lie. The most disturbing aspect(and there are many)to my affair, to me and to everyone else, is that after more than a year after DD#1 I cheated again - went back to the COW for on/off six months and then again after yet another year break for two more encounters."She was a friend" - this makes me so disgusted with myself...and sad that I could do such a thing. I finally told her "NO"- I will not be your friend...So very late. Boundaries, Coping, Arrogance, and I think plain stupidity. I have been working on these and much more. As some other's have said it is the incredible lack of any normal thought process in so may areas of our brain that has allowed this to happen. That's why even though I truly believe that there is no way that I would ever do this again, I needed to have some more insight from everyone to help me look and give serious introspection to any issues that you all might identify. Thank you to everyone, I very much appreciate all the input.
me- WH 51
her-BS 49
DS(26) DD(23)
Married 27 years
LTA 4yrs
DD1 1/2010
False R
DD2 8/2013
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