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BeyondBreaking ( member #38020) posted at 6:10 PM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014
They did what they did, ignored everything else, knowing full well, their betrayed spouse would be devastated, their marriages compromised once they get/got caught.
Exactly.
A lot of the time, this is even a discussion point with the AP or someone else that knew about the A. "My spouse will leave me if I get caught...please don't say anything..."
To me, this is evidence that there was no ignorance on the WS's part. Any WS that hid their affair KNEW on some level that their BS would be upset/angry/hurt.
Perhaps they didn't realize how encompassing the hurt would be, how huge the fallout would be, or how long the pain would last for. To me, that is almost worse though. They all knew we would be at least a little bit hurt, decided that what they were doing was worth it, and did it anyway. That's like saying, "Oh, so sorry I cut your legs off. I didn't realize the machete would chop off both your legs completely off- all I meant to do was cut them."
I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
AML04 ( member #39682) posted at 1:13 AM on Thursday, January 23rd, 2014
PrideFallen-
This:
For me, the statement that “I had no idea” wasn’t quite true. Obviously, I had an idea. I didn’t focus on it, though; I didn’t really give it consideration. The degree of selfishness involved was staggering, and I’m still processing just how I got to that point and that it was really me. The result was that I didn’t, in fact, grasp the depth of the pain, but that was due to my living in selfish la-la land and not exploring what my BW might feel.
Is probably very close to how my WH was. For most of his A I think he barely thought about me at all never mind how much it would hurt me. Whenever he thought about the possibility of me finding out, he would shut it off. He felt so good he didn't let any negative thoughts in never mind think about them long enough to let if affect him.
Thank you for posting.
For me I think getting over the how selfish he was and that he didn't think about me is the biggest hurdle.
Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R
Scubachick ( member #39906) posted at 2:10 AM on Thursday, January 23rd, 2014
A lot of the time, this is even a discussion point with the AP or someone else that knew about the A. "My spouse will leave me if I get caught...please don't say anything
My husband called the OW from someone else's phone and said "Please help me save my marriage by lying to my wife about us". How dumb. Lying got him in this mess, why he thought more lying would save it or why he would use the very woman that he was lying about to "save" our marriage I will understand.
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