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whatliesahead (original poster member #27596) posted at 10:42 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Regardless of how you are leaning about your situation I believe this is worth reading.
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/cost-of-forgiving-infidelity
Me BS 57
Ex-wife 54
Divorced
DDay January 2010
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 11:07 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Page not found when I copied and pasted?
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
whatliesahead (original poster member #27596) posted at 11:14 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
I do not have an issue with copy and paste. Have tried it several times.
Can't say what the issue might be.
As alternative Google:
rick reynolds affair forgiveness
Scroll to Ever associated forgiveness with a big price tag
Me BS 57
Ex-wife 54
Divorced
DDay January 2010
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 11:15 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Maybe I'm copy and paste deficient. Will try and find it the other way. Thanks!
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 11:23 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2014
Rick Reynolds is a very nice man 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
creativecat ( member #41728) posted at 12:42 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Great article! Thanks for posting it. I'm a wordsmith by trade, but find great difficulty in articulating my feelings about my fWH and the A. Emotions get in the way. I love finding articles (and especially comments on SI from the "veterans") which explain how I'm feeling, not only to my fWH, but help me to understand my feelings, too.
Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 12:59 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thanks for posting the link to this article.
It really explains the high emotional price the BS pays to stay with the WS.
Sometimes it is nice to have validation.
WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown
scarednbroken ( member #41961) posted at 1:03 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you so much!! I have struggled with how to explain to my WH that to forgive him AGAIN will be just too much. I have been forgiving him almost yearly. He is a repeater. He always seems remorseful. Crying. Threatening suicide. Etc. I just can't forgive anymore. I feel way too empty.
Something that his home - the BH in the scenario felt that since two of the AP were acquaintances that he felt made a fool of. This is the case with me this time also. I have read txt msgs where he is speaking to his main OW and they say MY NAME when speaking about me (and what they say is very
Mean most times). She also knows my kids - works at their
School. It's so infuriating 
to know she sees my children and thinks about what she does with their father. 
That she has seen me. Knows who I am. But I have never seen her. I have no reason to try to. She isn't one of their teachers. Ok. I have to stop before I end up sleepless tonight.
Again. Thanks for the insight. I copied it and will be handing it to him...
BS: Me 47 WH: 54 Kids: 17, 19, 21, 32 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 1:23 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you for the link.
As I often do when given the opportunity, I read this to my WH. Fortunately, I have a WH whose daily actions show me that he appreciated the gift of R. Sadly, I will never forgive him for his horrendous decision to inflict such tremendous pain on me and my children with his disgusting A.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:36 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Excellent! Thanks for sharing.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
brokendancer7 ( member #39911) posted at 3:50 AM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you. That really puts into words what a BS is going to have to deal with to R. It seems like all the messages you get are, "take the high road," be the bigger person," "love conquers all," "and be a good Christian." That article lays out what we actually have to give up (and they are not things anyone wants to give up) to try to continue with our marriages.
A lot to think about.
Alex CR ( member #27968) posted at 2:39 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thanks for posting...just got around to reading this morning. Really does express beautifully how much BS's give up .... our beliefs, values and pride...to reconcile.
Thanks again......
BS Me 63
WS Him 64
Married 35
Together 41
DD 11/16/09
I can dwell in the negative or seek the positive...one road is lonely...the other teeming with life.
BigMo3516 ( member #30487) posted at 4:01 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I too have struggled for a long time with putting what this article outlines into coherent thought WW can understand. Great article thanks for sharing.
"Others often have an awareness of, or question, what we think we have been able to conceal or cover."
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 4:56 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I like this a lot. It shares much of what I believe about forgiveness.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 5:19 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
love it. printed off.
especially this: If justice is the standard, then the consequence of betrayal is the loss of relationship. Anything short of that is mercy, indeed."
grownapair ( member #33622) posted at 5:23 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you. These are the words I've been struggling to find to explain to WH how it all looks from my side of the coin.
BS - me, 40 WH - 42
Kids 8 and 10
Definitely done!
Sparkle0504 ( member #40379) posted at 5:23 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you for sharing this; it articulates things beautifully :)
Me 52 (BS) Him 60 (EXSAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
I'm done. Separated.
Time is always right, to do right. (Dr Martin Luther King)
FeelingSoMuch ( member #38814) posted at 5:50 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Thank you for sharing. It articulates well what I have been struggling to say.
Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001. Married since 2007. Found out about her affairs in 2013. Now separated, waiting for divorce paperwork and in a wonderful new relationship. Life is good again.
MylarPineapples ( member #39570) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Me: BS, Him: WH
8/08: EA with former neighbor (OW#1)
1/13/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker#1 (OW#2)
6/16/13: Sexting with Coworker#2 (OW#3)
Reconciling
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