This Topic is Archived
gettingthere2013 (original poster member #38232) posted at 4:23 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
It will be one year next week since our first DD. I have been an emotional cesspool for the last few weeks. Every single negative emotion I've felt over the last year has been spewed out,not always constructively,and for the first time in a very long time,I have had doubts about whether I can do this.
H and I talked a lot this morning-yesterday was a VERY bad day,near constant emotional outbursts and neediness on my part,frustration and bewilderment on his. He voiced an idea that had never occurred to me,and at first I was hurt and angry that he was so freaking clueless....than I started thinking. His idea? Why don't we celebrate those days? The days that were our catalyst for changes we had long needed to make? Why give the past so much power,why not celebrate the future? My first thought was "You clueless,freaking jackass". But,he might be right...why give the past so much power? Why not look at the last year and what we've accomplished? Why focus on the pain?
Naive,or is this a realistic view? I like the idea,but not sure if I'm quite reasy for the execution.
Me:BW(44)
Him:WH(42)
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Separated,on road to D
AfterTheStorm ( new member #42037) posted at 5:19 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I have also thought about my approaching one year D Day anniversary and whether or not to acknowledge it. Part of me thinks we should somehow, because like our real anniversary, it's was the start of a new beginning and a turning point in our lives. We have both put in a lot of work to get to this point. I don't think it will be an annual event though. Just putting something good on a date that has been etched in my mind as the worst day ever.
Just my thoughts...
Me-BS 39
Him-WS 39
EA 2+ years/PA 6 months with COW
Married-16yrs
Kids-2
DD-4/8/13
Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 6:24 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
That's tricky. I see both the advantages and disadvantages. Perhaps if you do "celebrate" be prepared for the possibility of it being a melt down day and needing to cancel plans. Perhaps plan a close but low key day. He could write you a letter and you could snuggle and just "be" together.
Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
SoVerySadNow ( member #36711) posted at 7:08 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I think it depends on how your discovery went.
If it was a traumatic walked in on them in the act kind of thing, I think it would be hard to "celebrate" it. But if it was a day that WS came to you and confessed all and asked for a chance to earn forgiveness, then maybe.
I had to dig it out of WH bit by tiny scalding bit. I won't celebrate that.
Prepare for up and downs.
Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 7:09 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
I am facing the same thought process. I want to know what I want before I approach WH about it. I know the 1st antiversary is going to be tough. I've also contemplating celebrating the progress and changes we've made. I can't spend the night crying. I don't want to.
I hope you get more responses from those that have BTDT successfully (or peacefully).
((((gettingthere)))))
Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
We actually did this, gettingthere. I renamed it our Authentic Life Anniversary. My H was in charge of the evening. We both got off work early and went home. He did so many different things to make the night special and meaningful and it was very nice.
Our big Dday occurred 18 months after the A ended, so that may make a difference for some. It was the day that he finally started telling the truth, finally starting "owning his shit", finally started being real. (Because I got an anonymous letter, it was NOT a confession--that likely never would have happened and we would still be in that inauthentic life).
Instead of dreading the day I actually looked forward to it and now have some lovely memories. It really highlighted how much he had changed over the previous year, and how far we had come as a couple.
Good luck to you.
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
ascian ( member #40304) posted at 8:05 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
My wife and I have talked about doing this, perhaps not on our one-year mark, but after that. In part that's because I want to take back that time of year. D-Day was one day before the anniversary of our first kiss (well, the 19-year anniversary), and I'd rather remember that time of year for our beginning (or renaissance now, I guess) rather than for the pain of D-Day.
Me - BH 41
Her - FWW 38
D-Day: 8/13
Reconciled
musiclovingmom ( member #38207) posted at 8:19 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2014
Dday is 3 days before our actual anniversary. Last year - the 1st dday - we started our anniversary weekend away on dday. We had dinner with friends, went dancing (at OW2's favorite bar, no less) and stayed overnight without our children for the first time in a year. We really focused on being together and sharing moments together. It was fabulous.
This Topic is Archived
