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Anyone else’s BS have depression? (not depressed b/c of the A but actual diagnosed depression) My BS has clinical depression. Was diagnosed not long after A began, but before Dday. He refuses to take the medication his dr prescribed him, which leads to extreme bouts of sadness and EXTREME anger. I am having trouble deciphering what I deserve due to the A, and what I don’t deserve due to him taking his anger from things in his past that didn’t even involve me out on me. he’s never hit me or anything like that…he’s just mean….and I deserve to get whatever is thrown at me due to my A, but I don’t want to be a welcome mat at the door either. I said in sickness and in health, and although I already broke my vows once, I will NOT break them again. Depression is a sickness and I am sticking by him and will continue to stick by him, I’m just having trouble right now figuring out what is selfish of me and what is not…… any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My BH was put on antidepressants in high school. He wasn't officially diagnosed with depression, and the antidepressants didn't help much so he stopped taking them. He is a little different than your BS, in that when he gets low, he completely withdraws into himself. He'll spend all his waking moments sitting in front of a computer, not speaking to me, barely eating, and staying up late into the night. This can last for days, weeks, or months.

You should stand up for yourself if you feel he is unjustly harsh. Even though he is your BS, and you are the WW, you don't deserve to be treated badly out of anger. Yes, he'll be angry, and you may think you deserve it, but if he's using his anger at the A to drag you through the mud every chance he gets, that's unhealthy.

Be there, let him know you support him and want to help him heal, but don't let him break you down for everything.

Something in your words drew me in. I got lost and thought I was listening to my younger sister. However something that keeps striking me is you seem disingenuous at times. I hope that you are being more candid and honest with your BH, therapist and so on. As my sig says_.

At about your age we (exWW, me) were in the same place, she had cheated. The thing is, it wasnt the A (sexual) that ended our marriage, I was over that for the most past, it was the lies, omissions and half truths. Slowly I fell out of love with her and one day about 2 years after dday I simply walked away filed for divorce and never looked back (almost). She thought we were doing great because I stopped asking, I stopped because I no longer cared..

My point is sharing my story is for a view at what doesn't work.

[This message edited by 2yrsblind at 8:38 PM, January 24th (Friday)]