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morethantrying (original poster member #40547) posted at 6:00 AM on Sunday, January 26th, 2014
so i came to some new understanding...it makes sense to me how it happened...even why...not saying it was "okay" FOO issues major at play...not all...but there quite big...
but now what do I do with that "understanding"....how much compassion and understanding can one person tolerate?
Is compassion limitlessness? Understanding never ending?
why does having compassion and understanding seem to "hurt?"
[This message edited by morethantrying at 12:03 AM, January 26th (Sunday)]
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 6:02 AM on Sunday, January 26th, 2014
I think that true compassion occurs when we are able to muster almost complete objectivity. When the "hurt" doesn't apply because we don't look at in terms of our reaction.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
morethantrying (original poster member #40547) posted at 6:04 AM on Sunday, January 26th, 2014
yes, having objectivity seems so strange...I feel like a psychiatrist talking to him...it feels strange...yet I was so hurt...yet I can stand back as well....it is a very odd mix...
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 6:11 AM on Sunday, January 26th, 2014
Most days I have that for my H (not tonight, tonight I have zero). I can even almost have compassion for how hard being a WS must be, seeing the hurt and devastation you've caused.
But honestly, tonight it feels unhealthy. So now I'm not sure. I was going to post yesterday asking if R could move too quickly. Now I'm not sure I'm still considering it at all (R).
Perhaps it's the roller coaster, perhaps it's the compassion I felt for him turning towards me... I'm not sure. 
Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
morethantrying (original poster member #40547) posted at 6:24 AM on Sunday, January 26th, 2014
oh mohurt hang in there! there are SO days like that! With a remorseful spouse it is sooo worth it I think...just let yourself have a bad day...it is okay. go ahead and feel good and sorry for yourself.
As for compassion...you said so many insightful things...so if you feel all that you can make it through R....just a bad day...or a few...it will pass.
I now see something thanks to the posts here...two different me had a conversation about one of the A with him today:
One me, the psychiatrist type(or outside friend?)talked with him objectively -- without feeling...only as an outsider in some sense
...at the same time .....
The OTHER me, the wife, the lover, the friend, sat by observing and feeling sad and a bit hurt and yet that other me still had understanding and compassion...
so now I SEE more clearly (thanks to you both!) how the two MEs are there and existing together....having both at the same time is a very weird feeling...
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
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