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hurtingfool ( member #42196) posted at 8:25 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
I can't imagine how that feels. My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Me: BS 34
Her: WS 32
13 years of marriage
15 years together
3 kids
DDay:January 16, 2014
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 8:34 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
I don't know why or how you now have to deal with this and this illness. I don't know why the universe sometimes lays these heavy burdens on the ones who are the care givers.
It is a stab to your soul each time. I am so sorry you have to hear that.
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
Neverwudaguessed ( member #41884) posted at 11:08 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
I am so sorry that you have the additional heartache of living with a spouse diagnosed with Alzheimer's, on top of the betrayal of an affair. To have to relive the affair in this was is so cruel. I know how real those episodes are to both the alzheimer patient and the people experiencing them with him/her. My grandmother's both had it and at my wedding reception, my maternal grandmother cried with such fear and despair and repeated, "But how can she be getting married?? She is just a child!!!!" In her mind, I had not grown up yet and she was truly panicked that I could be getting married.
I know that the evenings are worse (sundowning); maybe you could have someone there as many evenings as possible so that if you need to get away while he is reliving those days you are free to do so? If there is that kind of support please rely on it: you will need a break and you deserve it. I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this. He is VERY lucky to have you there but you do need to take some time for yourself. ((FNF)))
BW: 46 Me
WH:50
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13
refuz2bavictim ( member #27176) posted at 11:52 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Pray for me.
Done, and will continue to do so.
mindisgone ( member #17772) posted at 12:10 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Oh fnf, there are no words. Just (((((((hugs)))))))
too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..
Allgoodnamesgone ( member #26157) posted at 12:11 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Forgive- I have no advice for you, because I am a grudgeholder & my advice would probably be to screw with him a bit.
But, in all seriousness, I just wanted to let you know that my heart breaks for you.
((Forgive))
Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 1:30 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 3:09 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
(((fnf)))
I am so sorry. Alzheimers is a horrible horrible disease. My grandmother had it and lived with us when I was in HS. Watching your loved one deteriorate is so painful, I cannot even imagine the added pain of reliving infidelity at the same time.
I am sending you all my strength
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
LivinginLimbo ( member #35004) posted at 3:14 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
My heart is breaking for you.
BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years
D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.
BrokenMomof2 ( member #41219) posted at 5:17 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Im so sorry you are going thru this!
(((forgivenotforget)))
Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R
HoneyMe ( member #40613) posted at 5:18 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
(((fnf))) This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.
3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.
UKgirl ( member #17062) posted at 5:35 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Oh my dear FNF, I’m so sorry he spoke with a mind that isn’t in the now. This is so unfair. UNFAIR!! You have been a wonderful and beautiful wife and you were betrayed in an obscene way. Now this happens on top of everything you have done to try and stitch the threads of your relationship, marriage and family back together.
It wasn’t Mr FNF saying this, it was the man who lived in a certain amount of fear and dread – that is what he is reliving. This was the Alzheimer’s talking in the same way as speaking out loud while having a dream. A thought floating through his mind and coming out through his mouth. He had a moment of living with what he did, and I think that’s sad for both of you.
As you say, a stab in the heart. Big hugs hon. XXX
Affair1: Dday 30/07/06 LTA: 5yrs ex-fiancee Affair2: Dday 04/09/20 9mths another XHSgf.Me/BS, still young. Him/WS, old. 4 grown boysHaving an affair because you are unhappy is like eating Ex-lax because you are hungry - unfound's mom
Steelergal ( member #13113) posted at 6:07 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
(((fnf))) I am so very sorry you are having to go through this. It does seem horrifically unfair and cruel to have to go through this after dealing with fallout from LTA and finally getting to a pretty good place.
You are in my thoughts. Take care.
atsenaotie ( member #27650) posted at 6:13 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014
fnf, I am so sorry for what you are being put through, to re-live. I remember when you first shared your H's diagnosis, how painful it was to know that you would loose him after working so hard on your M. This is who he was, but not who he ultimately wanted or chose to be.
My thoughts are with you as you follow your path of least regret.
-atsenaotie
LTA FBS
dday 10.5.09
Divorced
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