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ladycody (original poster member #41401) posted at 6:56 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
WH has been working on applications and has organizing references to get a new job...so I should be happy that he is working diligently on something so important...but I'm irritated. It reminds me that he doesn't have a job and why. In addition... he is focused on himself during this process and I resent it. I don't want to help him or provide my opinions...I DO...but am irritable. I felt much the same way when, 3 weeks after dday he had a Hernia repair and needed some help for the first 48 hours or so. Stupid...but can't help it...am irritated that when I'm so raw I feel like I still need to focus on him when I kinda want his focus to be on me and us...but the reality is that we need to get him working so that we CAN focus on something besides our newest financial considerations...ugh.
wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 10:08 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 10:15 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
Is there any way that you can leave, go do something else during the day while he job searches, or have him use a room in the house as an "office," and disappear into that every day "at work" while he's doing the search? When my FWH was laid off and had to do his job searches, he used our office to go to work at, when we were both home (I work part time) so it was as if he really wasn't there. And then when he came home from his day of work, he was really home. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
ladycody (original poster member #41401) posted at 10:22 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
Went to lunch and adjusted my head a bit while out. I''m a little less crabby at this point. Thanks for the support....venting helped. :P
[This message edited by ladycody at 4:22 PM, February 5th, 2014 (Wednesday)]
Ladyogilvy ( member #31558) posted at 10:40 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
I can relate. Not to his being out of work but to his focus being elsewhere and of it being work related and the A being work related. My WH is a trial attorney. He's been in the court room in two different cases over the last two weeks, on the brink of trial in one, actually in trial in the other. The second required flying to and staying in another city. I hardly heard from him the whole time. You'd think at least we wouldn't have the financial stress but we haven't been able to pay ourselves part of our last paycheck or any of this month's paycheck. One client hasn't paid us in 6 months for one bureaucratic reason after another. Our credit is maxed out. All that stress and lack of healthy focus on the relationship takes it's toll. I am triggering and not even speaking to him now that he's back.I guess this too will pass. Mine just pretends everything's fine until I "get over it." It's an improvement over getting pissed off at me for not "getting over it." But, it isn't him stepping up to the plate and convincing me I haven't made a mistake by giving him another chance either. It's been 3 years for us but since he never told me the truth, or even anything resembling the truth according to the facts he knows I know, he has to work harder at earning my trust on a day to day basis... And it isn't enough.
Me: BW 57. Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 65Married stopped counting after too many disappointing anniversaries. Two sons, 24&25 years old. He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable evidence of.
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