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sleepless34 (original poster member #40274) posted at 12:11 AM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
I really liked this book. Same author as After the Affair. It says that forgiveness should be earned, not the responsibility of the better person.
It goes into what a real apology looks like. What a person needs to do to show they are really sorry. It also talks about how you can have acceptance without forgiveness, and that lets you get rid of the negativity and anger, without giving someone undeserved forgiveness.
I would recommend it if you are dealing with anger re the affair and divorce, or even r, I guess.
I liked that it puts the responsiblity back on the person who did wrong. I am sick of people telling me I have to forgive, because I believe I have to accept and move on but some things are simply unforgivable.
Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 7:37 AM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
Wow! Great review! I'm going to look for that book now! Thank you!
Skye ( member #325) posted at 4:44 PM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
I'm sure I read that book as I think I've read them all. I don't believe forgiveness is for the victim. I think that entire theory is bullsh*it. I do believe the victim needs acceptance and needs to move forward. To me forgiveness is given when it is asked for and earned. And some things are just plain unforgiveable. The book that worked for me was "Forgiving and Not Forgiving" by Jeanne Safer, Ph.d.
lemony.2008 ( member #20125) posted at 6:05 AM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
FYI, the author is holding a workshop at Kripalu.
March 28–30, 2014 Friday–Sunday 2 nights
How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
Presenter(s)
Janis Abrahms Spring
http://kripalu.org/program/view/HCFY-141/how_can_i_forgive_you_the_courage_to_forgive_the
Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron
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