SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Be patient, but also have an exit plan. When someone hurts you this much you sometimes fall out of love. If you know that indeed you will never really love him again and be happier with out him..do it. you may be right, Mr. Right may be out there. Talk to your husband tell him how you feel and that you see his honest love and effort but that you just can't and try to make it as smooth and loving of a D for the kids as you can. But if you're not sure.. give it a little time and some deep thought, your feelings may come back..the kids will be fine either way as long as you and ws do it right.

(((libertyrocks)))

I can so relate to what you are saying.

I am giving 1000% into trying to rebuild a new M with WH. The most important thing to me in the world is to keep this family together for our kids. I also still love WH. It is taking some time for me to completely trust him tho, don't know if I will ever blindly trust him again.

One thing that I have learned from this site is that it can take a long long time for a WS to "get it" & become truly remorseful---it doesn't happen with the snap of your fingers, it is a process. I see that happening slow as molasses with my WH. But I am willing to be patient.

I am hoping it will work out, & we will be together for the rest of our lives.

WH & I also have very very different interests (he is a sports addict & I am a classical violinist & love to read), but we are trying to work around that & find ways to enjoy things together.

My plan is to get these 4 kids launched ( 3 1/2 years to go!!) & then re-evaluate.

I hope WH does the work, & that I have no doubts about staying together once we have an empty nest. It's up to him.

Wishing you & your WH luck.

Let me begin by saying I haven't read all the posts - if only because sometimes this topic makes me nuts.

NO ONE can definitively say staying for the kids/leaving for the kids is the right thing to do. What matters most is what you do with whatever situation you are in. Everything outside of that is just about logistics. I've seen people stay and be bitter and miserable. I've seen people leave and chase one relationship after the other while their kids sit on the sidelines like spectators. Every situation has it's own considerations - and the right decision is one that weighs each of those honestly before making a choice.

Now, stepping off my soapbox...

Of course you are confused! Infidelity changes the whole dynamics of the marriage. Some people (since we are in the R. forum) are able to step back in with both feet. Some people never are. I'm finding I'm in the later category. And while some may claim that that's unfair to a remorseful WS - and perhaps it is - it's also how this experience has changed ME...not just my marriage. Sometimes I do better than others. But unfortunately, the better I do, the more it touches that scar - and I'm in that cycle. Additionally, there just are "the sound of hoof beats" in life - and having been run over by a pack of zebras, it's no longer easy for me to assume horses.

It just is what it is.

I once so struggled with this...this idea of trying to get back to where I once was - in the marriage, within myself. I still sometimes question if there is something wrong with me - and I sometimes think about trying out a new relationship just to see if it really rides any differently. How do I really know otherwise? It's a gnat that flits about in my brain at times.

But I also know, deep down, that this whole event wasn't just about love lost and broken dreams.

It was also about shattered illusions.

And that's when I realize that what I'm most looking for is courage.

Courage to be both in and out.

Courage to love - not without fear but in the face of it...in the midst of it...and without asking/expecting to have it taken away.

Courage to share my life while understanding that I am also ultimately alone.

And mostly, courage to go forward without the sanctuary of those illusions that tell me it is possible to live differently "if only...".

[This message edited by truthsetmefree at 3:20 PM, February 7th (Friday)]

When you suggest staying in the M until kids are in school do you mean grade school or college? My baby is 2 and I feel the need to decide on D now or not later. I feel like D affects grade school kids much more than a toddler.

libertyrocks maybe you work on it until you cannot work on it anymore. Someone else here has said that they are giving their WH this time to better themselves and if that has not happened by the time the kids have left then leaving would be an option.

Thank you, thank you everyone.

authenticnow,

and there's the guilt and mixed emotions that go along with that.

I never thought of this...

Thank you for sharing.