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One month in...after 27 years of marriage...made him leave after D and the answer to the question can you be faithful was no. So he's not living with me and kids. He's requested a few parking lotmeets where we could discuss things. Basically it was bashing me, blaming me, thinking I went 'crazy' after I found out, i.e. changed locks, moved money, called her a whore by text. He's especially upset that I called her a whore, but not that she called me desperate and pathetic. I do not know this man.

Going to IC. I thought there was a sliver of hope on Friday after psych told me that there were some good signs of R. My husband will not give me cell phone password. So I figured it out. Got on there yesterday. OMG. He's been calling her 24/7, texting, etc. and obviously still in the affair. He texted me "good try on the password. i get a notice". So he thinks I tried to get in but didn't. But I did :)

Then why does he want meet and talk? Why do I go to counseling at $160 a pop? What is the use when on the bill every single time we have talked, on the phone or in person, he has talked to her an hour? He is telling her what I am saying! Another betrayal.

Is this the way it's going to be from now on? I feel like I have no control, but I do have no control by not responding and shutting down communication. My sons don't want to see hm like this, and they are old enough, 15 and college, I told them they don't have too. It is emotionally abuse. So then husband says I'm turning them against him.

[This message edited by huskers at 5:16 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

I hear you. He sounds like he is still "in the fog"

You must do what you need to do to protect yourself and the kids. He doesn't/can't matter right now. Take care of yourself. Eat and drink what you can manage. Look after yourself first. We are here if you need advise, need to vent or just need to "say it".

after psych told me that there were some good signs of R

You need to get another psych.

Good job on the password thing

Do you have a lawyer? If not, please get one ASAP and have your WH have all talks about financial agreements go thru the lawyer.

Have you told the whore's BS yet?

Please do. He needs to protect himself and his kids if there are any.

Your H does not want to R and is just emotionally abusing you.

You must view him as your opponent now. He has made his choice. Believe him.

Yes I am viewing him as opponent now. I have done some really smart things, moved $, changed locks. Emotionally not so much. Confided in person who told him what I know about whore. I was good with 180 then crumbled. Seems like he and other woman have a fun plan to daily want to see me grovel. With all your help and my inner strength this will not be happening anymore. I didn't want to file for divorce mainly for economic reasons.....I don't love my abuser. But it doesn't look like their A is ending. So will stay distance and keep going forward

I haven't told her husband cuz she's truly psycho. I don't know if I can be safe. However one fun thought.... I fantasize about going over and dumping his belongings all over her lawn

[This message edited by huskers at 9:24 AM, February 9th (Sunday)]

It's unfortunate that you have this loan now that you need to roll over or pay. This is why you are still communicating with him. Otherwise, you could 180 his ass and feel so much better!

Talk to a lawyer about the loan. See if he can handle things with your WH as far as that goes. If not, think about it. Do you think WH would want to have to pay off the entire loan right now as well? Or is he bluffing about the rollover? He is still pissed at you for taking money. (Well, tough shit on him!) Maybe this is his way of "punishing" you. Bastard. If it comes down to it, you may have to go that rought. You may have to pay off the loan. You could always refinance your "half" of it somehow. There are many different loans out there and you are a smart lady.

After you figure our the loans and the financial stuff. Take a step back. He is calling the OW 24/7 and is still in this A. Do the 180. Don't let him have any part of you. He doesn't deserve it. It will only continue to hurt you more. Hugs & stay strong!

Think of a way to let her BH know about this affair. He needs to know. Figure it out. Don't be afraid of her reaction! Did she care about your feelings? Did she care about your reaction?

Well I joined intelius and that gives some cell phone numbers. Maybe even his email address.

Not sure if they are correct. Do you have suggestions on how or what to tell him?

I haven't told her husband cuz she's truly psycho. I don't know if I can be safe.

How do you know if she is truly psycho?

What do you think she will/can do if you do tell?

You think she will attack you?

If you do tell her BS, make sure you have evidence to show him.

[This message edited by shiloe at 9:43 AM, February 9th (Sunday)]

Provide him with all your evidence (copies).

Text's, cell phone records, etc.

Of course they will deny A and say you are the crazy lady.

You must have hard evidence.

Just tell him what you know and have.

Good luck.

[This message edited by shiloe at 9:47 AM, February 9th (Sunday)]

Well I guess I'm getting sucked into propogands again by him and her. She called cops once saying I slandered her by telling people who she is and she's a whore. She owns salon. Guess I am in tunnel vision and believing their threats that I will be in danger if I tell him.

So snapshots of the texts she sent me? Copies of our phone bills? Call him or email?

As you already know it is really hard to let go and move on. Sadly there is no on/off switch where we can just "turn it off" and get back to our joy, happiness and self love. Instead, it seems all of us (BS) are doomed to live through the pain of loss, dispair and failures of our relationships, our dreams and hopes for the future. Worse, It seems as though our WS has it all going for them. Yes, it's very difficult.

There is goods news however, what we're going through now, if done right, makes us better, stronger and more complete than ever before. When we get to the end we will find the true meaning of life, the true meaning of love and the ability to know real happiness. This is a journey, a difficult one, but it will be well worth it.

I can't imagine what life is like in the soul of a WS. I can't imagine living with the guilt, the emptiness and loneliness that resides deep within. I'm pretty sure it's much like a cancer that festers inside, completely undeterred, until the day comes when it is exposed to the light of day. And when that day comes, there's nothing left of thier soul except rot!

Yes, it is very difficult, but I'd rather be on the journey of the BS then that of the WS. I'm looking forward to the day when I am free and when I am me again. I'm looking forward to that ultimate happiness.. Someday, someday soon the sun will shine on our lives again. So enjoy today, enjoy this moment and enjoy the healing process. It won't be long before we shine as bright as gold....

slan·der

[slan-der]noun

1.defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.

2.a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.

3.Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.

False and having no proof are the operatives here.^^^

It's not a rumor, it is true and you have plenty of proof. It's a fact!

Okay, so she is an ignorant whore! I mean really what does one call a married woman low enough to screw some other persons husband?? A stupid slut?? Fornicating Hussy?? Or an SI favorite: Slunt, just cuts to the chase, eh?! There are so many names...adulterer, fornicatress, hussy, loose woman, strumpet, trollop, jade; fornicator - someone who commits adultery or fornication...whore - have unlawful sex with a whore fornicate - have sex without being married...see you can even look it up on wikipedia!

Please forgive me my gallows humor but what fools they are...pathetic fools. They will take what little knowledge they have, stick it together with glitter and unicorn shit and try to scare you. All the while they are running scared. Let her call the cops. You can show the police the proof you have too!

How do you know her BH is a psycho? Because your WH told you? He has proved he is a liar...he lies right to your face! HE is not to be trusted, and now is a POD person.

Please oh please let her BH know that she has been slumming around with your husband. Bust that shit wide open. The excitement of the A will be removed because their sickness will be revealed in the light of day. Part of their special lurrrve is the sneaking around and lying about it in your faces. It will take all of the 'fun' out of it. Real life is tough on delusional twits.

I am so sorry that he is not protecting you and your marriage. Him defending her should have been your red flag that he is still in contact with her. UGH!

Don't feel bad about letting your guard down and communicating with your WH. 27 years is a long time. But it only counts if he actually honors the marriage. The only reason why you did not figure it out was because you loved him, hell, he is your husband, your supposed to trust him...Asshole.

However one fun thought.... I fantasize about going over and dumping his belongings all over her lawn...

Why not?? You would not be the first BS to do that. Talk about sending a message!

Take care Huskers, continued strength to you. Please protect your children and your heart.

He sounds like he is still "in the fog"

No. He's in the affair. Which means there is NOTHING resembling "good signs of R." Nothing whatsoever.

Time to go NC---completely dark. Communicate only as absolutely essential about finances and kids. Do so by email only. (It establishes a record.)

A man who's communicating with his OW has NO intention of a meaningful R.

Not fog. Affair. That's where he is. Don't confuse the two. And don't accept crumbs as evidence of R. There can be no R with OW in the picture in any form or fashion.

ETA: I meant to temper my bluntness with the observation that his behavior today may not persist, and that there IS hope for R in the future should he choose to lose his affair partner and do some seriously hard work. But now? Nope. He's not remotely interested in R. He might be interested in cake-eating, but the two are very, very different.

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:02 PM, February 9th (Sunday)]

Eat small meals, breathe, stay as calm as you can and call a lawyer. Meet with several, before you speak to your husband again. Just make yourself do it so you can be informed in your actions. You don't want to shoot yourself in the foot right here at the beginning.

{{{ hugs }}}

Expose this woman without warning fast. They are playing you and scaring you. It's not slander if its true. Her BS needs to know and expose her to family and friends. Other women need to know who she is and her moral character . Call her husband, text him and email him. She is probably monitoring his accounts, so if you can send him the evidence at his job it would be perfect. Once her BS starts monitoring her it will be impossible to continue the affair. People in the community are not stupid and they see them together. Expose her everywhere for the POS that she is .

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. She is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.

He refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade him to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

This above can be send to family and close friends but it needs to be sent after the one bellow that exposes OW to her family and friends on Facebook. If she has blocked you make a dummy account to see her friends list.

YOU WILL LIKELY HAVE TO PAY $1 PER CONTACT OR THEY WILL SEND TO THE TARGET'S SPAM BOX. PAY THE MONEY SO IT GETS TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

Dear friend of HoScumbag:

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should know the kind of person she really is. Ho is having an affair with my husband, xxxxxx, from Aug until September. I believe that her friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from her. My husband and I have 2 sons and this affair has wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW

***********************

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that OW is having an affair with my husband, xxxxx. We have been married for 27 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Ok but what do I say? Do I give him my name ?

Huskers--

Not to be harsh, but what ((Solus)) said is right, and if your IC knows that your WH is still in the affair, and there are good signs of R, find a new IC!

A good IC is going to have you working on YOU right now; forget the marriage.

Time for you to play hardball on his ass. Get an attorney, and see what your options are. You need to get some leverage here. Let dumbass and his whore play in fantasy land; show them the real world where there can be bigtime consequences.

huskers,

Ok but what do I say? Do I give him my name?

Give him your name and the evidence. Call first so you can hear is voice and confirm its him then send him the evidence at his job. This man can already feel there is something strange in his marriage. Expose her fast and without warning...

Ok got it. Hopefully cell number I paid to get is right. I will call him tomorrow and get everything together, I have a text from her saying yes she's having affair with my husband and it's not classy of me to call her a whore. Has her name in it and everything. There's a chance he knows and they are back together but phone bill shows nonstop contact between whore and my husband all the way up to 2 days ago