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Newest Member: mkei

Reconciliation :
Retrouvaille..........

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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 1:34 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Bionicgal.....go as soon as you can.

Retrouvaille was 1.5 hours away for us, as are our follow up sessions......that is a small price to pay for the good it is doing us.

Some of the simpliest concepts have eluded 2 MC....one of which was very expensive.

2.5 hours is a long drive...but wouldnt you drive that to go to a concert, or a weekend getaway? I submit Retrouvaille is far more important than those.

While the follow up sessions with people that experienced Retrouvaille with us is nice, it is hardly that important....this really is about YOUR M.

In fact, the last follow up session one of the women we met during our original weekend was there without her husband....I asked my wife if we should invite her to sit next to us. My wife said "Why?". It made me stop and think.....I did feel bad she was by herself....but then remembered that I will be by myself in a couple of these sessions due to my wifes work schedule....think it would be odd to "experience" post-sessions with another woman, even if she was sitting next to her husband. So this is very much a "couple" experienc.....other attendees, while adding to the overall experience, are not really a factor in my M to my wife.

The main point is.....I really think it important to build on the momentum of the initial weekend....I think you could do follow up sessions 5 months later, but believe you will find that you WANT to build build build after that initial weekend. So if you can't make the drive, I like SisterMilkShakes advice and wait.....but, having gone to Retrouvaille, I can't urge you enough to go as soon as you can.

Really see if you can make that drive....at least for a few of the follow-ups.....then pick up those you missed this fall with the other group.

I know it is 5 hours round trip....but that is only 30 hours total, as there are only 6 follow up sessions. We have approximately double that in MC sessions...NOT including drive time....and Retrouvaille helped way more than those have.

I see such motivation in you.....Retrouvaille will be like nitrous to that!

Keep us posted.....I am prepared to say a specific prayer for you on each of the 3 days of your initial weekend!

Spond....how was your Retrouvaille experience? You just had one, right?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:40 AM, March 3rd (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6707991
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:49 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

I don't feel bionicgal's marriage is in a dire place. I don't feel they "need" to go to Retrouvaille asap. For many who go to Retrouvaille this is the last chance to save their marriage. One of our presenter couples was, literally, one week away from signing their divorce papers. They weren't living together. They were done, but one more than the other.

Of course, everyone who goes benefits. MisterSister and I went almost 2 years post d-day. It was perfect timing for us. To me, it was icing on the cake.

For the best impact I feel keeping the weekend and follow-up sessions close together is the best way to go.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6707999
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bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 2:48 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Ha - well, you guys have both articulated very well the two arguments for going now, and for waiting.

The woman from Retrouvaille I talked to leaned towards waiting and doing the post sessions here with the weekend in Aug. but is going to put me in contact with the folks who do the bigger city version (and also have worked here) to see what they think. She felt the follow-ups helped deepen and clarify the weekend experience, and I think felt there was benefit to being with the same couples. Our biggest issue is childcare and we'd basically be leaving our son for the whole day on Sundays for a while instead of 4-5 hours. It seems minor in the big scheme of things, but as his dad is traveling quite a bit lately -- it seems stressful to commit to the follow-up classes when they are that far away.

SM is right, we aren't in crisis mode or anything. We were just excited to go, and looking for more tools. August does seem like a long time away, though. I think I am leaning towards doing it in April and just following up in Aug. A little bit of cake-eating, ha!

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

posts: 3521   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6708066
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spond ( member #41686) posted at 3:28 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

It was awesome blakesteele!!! You must have missed my post towards the bottom on the past page, so I wont repeat it.

What was amazing as well, was the other couples there that you could see transformations from the start to the finish. We bonded with another younger couple there that were fresh into their marriage.

The tools you gain and the experience of going, you can't put a $ amount on.

I can't wait for the post sessions!!!!

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

posts: 437   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2013
id 6708134
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 blakesteele (original poster member #38044) posted at 5:03 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Bionicgal....ours offers childcare....but I know what it is like to road trip with reluctant kids! My Mom is moving across the street from us this weekend....so she will be an option for us. This is the first time in our lives we have had family live in the same town as us....we are blessed.

Totally get what Sistermilkshake is saying.

My own bias is that....when I experience something really good....I want all my friends to experience it too!!!! and to experience it NOW!!!!

Spond....sorry, I breezed past your post.....I am still learning to "be still and listen".

Peace.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:04 AM, March 3rd (Monday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 6708294
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bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 5:10 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

BlakeS - That was totally the spirit in which I took your post.

Ours doesn't offer childcare - that would be amazing!!

[This message edited by bionicgal at 11:11 AM, March 3rd (Monday)]

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

posts: 3521   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6708316
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CantLoseHope ( member #42356) posted at 5:19 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Can someone explain what "retrovaille" is? Thank you!



"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"

posts: 172   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2014
id 6708335
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spond ( member #41686) posted at 6:16 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

http://www.retrouvaille.org/

We are more then happy to answer some questions after you check it out.

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

posts: 437   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2013
id 6708450
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