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MandMs (original poster member #41740) posted at 1:15 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2014
My H is gone this week for a work trip and I've been noticing how differently I feel compared to pre-A work trips.
Before the A I was so needy. He was basically the center of my universe and I barely made a move with out thinking about him, what would he think? Would he approve? Will this make him happy or will this upset him? This dynamic was partly by his design, he wanted to control me as a way of keeping me from finding out about his multiple A's over the first 13 years of our marriage, and partly because of my issues of codependency and my willingness to just take the path of least resistance.
When he had to stay overnight for work or go on a trip my life came to a screeching halt. I needed him.
I don't need him in that way anymore and that is so freeing!! The difference now is that I want him. He is strictly an enhancement to my life now. He is my companion and my lover. I don't hold him responsible for my happiness, and I have to think that must be pretty damn freeing for him too! 
Change is possible! Our marriage is not perfect, probably never will be, but it has gotten so much better. Our old stuff still creeps back on a regular basis and we have to be aware and vigilant about working on our marriage. But things are definitely different, this is the new normal and I'm okay with it.
BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11
Reconciled!
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 1:43 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2014
Wonderful post! Just wonderful!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 2:59 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2014
MandMs - Probably one of the biggest steps in progress in my healing has been knowing that *I* will be okay no matter what. Great update. Glad to see that things are improving and that you are gaining so much strength! 
PinkJeepLady ( member #37575) posted at 3:01 AM on Thursday, February 13th, 2014
Reminds me of a book I used to live by in the 80's, Why do I think I am nothing without a man? That's what I am talking about!!!
Love your post, thanks for sharing!
Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled - thought so, but now divorcing
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:51 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2014
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
MandMs (original poster member #41740) posted at 5:32 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2014
Okay, maybe I do need him….. to snowblow our driveway. We got a foot of snow last night! The first time I truly missed him this week was this morning when I was out there clearing the driveway. haha! 
BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11
Reconciled!
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