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“Our” MOW has decided long ago that my husband is her soulmate and they are connected through time and space, whether they are together in real life, or not.

My husband never read the poems etc. about twin flames and songs she sent him. He was never interested in her. The affair was about him.

My husband does not read her postings or tweets. There is NC since a year. I know I should not read her messages, but there was a time I found a sense of “comfort” in checking her messages about NC. Since DD she also keeps posting and tweeting about not being with the one you love, eternal love, soulmates, settling for less, and hoping and forever waiting for him to come back to her.

I thought she is clinging, because otherwise she’d have to admit she wasn’t worthy of him leaving me. But since she is always going on about their superior love, I think she feels it is only a matter of time. Because soulmates, twin flames etc., ultimately will be together. That’s why I don’t think she feels lesser.

I know about being indifferent about MOW being the goal and I will get there, but for now my question is: Why would anyone want to be married to someone that is pining for another man ? Why does a married woman act this way? Why is she unable or unwilling to let it go ?

Damned if I know. I could never knowingly be a OW ... even if I didn't say the vows, it is a form of vow breaking. Just something I can't wrap my head around. sorry

I know for a fact that if my husband and I had stayed broken up (we had quite the rocky on again/off again relationship from the time I was 16 til I was 19, when we broke up for a year and a half, during which time I had a serious BF who was batshit crazy lol) I would absolutely have always wondered what he was up to, if he still loved me, felt like I settled with whoever I was marrying instead of him, etc.

BUT....I would never post publicly about it on the internet, have an affair with him, or even talk to anybody about it (my mom blathers on about lost love and stuff and it just makes me so mad because she has been married to my dad 30+ years and is still pining for the ones that got away...I would never dream of doing that to my kids!)

Anyway, all that to say I know how she feels, I am lucky that I DID end up with the only person I wouldn't be "settling" to be with (that is debatable now given my circumstances, but up until November that was absolutely the case.)

She is obviously just too selfish with her head stuck too far up her own butt to quit lusting after someone else's man.

My WH's OW was divorced, but feels the same, according to her numerous FB posts about soul mates and missing her best friend etc. They have been NC since last May. I had to block her because I was too tempted to respond to her nonsense right there on her FB wall.. and I promise, it would not have been pretty.

I honestly think that OW's such as these that refuse to let go are so pathetic that they think no one else wants them.. If they cling to the fleeting feelings of "lurve" that they received from a MOM and pretend that MOM was their soul mate then they are still living in the fantasy of the A. Which is of course, a sham, a big fat lie.

But it makes OW feel better to say to herself.. he only went back to BW b/c of the kids, financial reasons, or whatever else b/c it was easier.. but he really wants me because it is star-crossed lurve and they think the MOM is thinking the same things about them. Sounds much more romantic. Doesn't it?

Also, a lot easier than doing the work to figure out WHY she would have an A with a married man and wreck his family?

But it makes OW feel better to say to herself.. he only went back to BW b/c of the kids, financial reasons, or whatever else...

OH! I suddenly remember she told my husband she understood he didn’t leave because of the kids. To her, I was never in the equation.

LOLOL....the OW in my life said WH stayed with me because of his misplaced feelings of responsibility.

I say excuses are like assh**es.....everyone has one

...his misplaced feelings of responsibility.

Really ?

I'm sorry you're going through this!

One question - Does the OW's Husband know about the A? If not I would definitely tell him.

I think eventually you have to stop looking at the OW facebook, tweets, instagram pictures...ect. Its not healthy. I finally blocked the OW's facebook. Her page was private anyways, but I would find myself checking her page just to see if she changed her profile picture. Such madness! Why would I even do that?? lol

I feel such a sense of relief now that I know I can't look at it even if I wanted to.

Are you the only one looking at them, or is your WH looking at them too??

One question - Does the OW's Husband know about the A? If not I would definitely tell him.

I told him. I know he read my message but he never responded. I didn't mention the messages at the time, I kept it strictly about the affair facts and figured he'd find out himself.

I decided not to let him know his WW told my husband that she was still married for convenience and her own husband was second choice. I had no proof of that, and besides the social media accounts were set up a long time ago so he could have read up on them himself and find the same messages I found.

Are you the only one looking at them, or is your WH looking at them too??

My husband has never read any of her messages. He never did during the affair and he does not read now. He is simply not interested and doesn't want me reading either because it's not in the interest of R.

The OW in our case sent several crazy emails to fWH saying how it wasn't possible that he didn't want her. She told him he dumped her because he is selfish.

When she told me about A she said I couldn't make their love go away. I never responded to that statement but months later when I reread that text I laughed out loud cuz it was so wrong. The only thing OW ever heard from my fWH after that text was a well written NC email where he stated he wished hed never met her and never stepped outside his M and that he was deeply ashamed of his behavior towards me. He also chided her for treating me so cruelly when she sent mean emails, texts and pics.

OW had tried so hard to steal my life and my fWH. He realized early on she was after him for money we had.

She was competing with me without my knowledge and I still won. MyfWH never wanted her for anything more than a body to f which they were both clear about during their first meet. OW was craigslist married whore openly advertising to cheat on her H. OW is a loser...

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:27 PM, February 15th (Saturday)]

She isn't pining away for your H, she is pining away for the fantasy H she has created in her head.

My FWH's OW did this for quite some time (like, over 2 years). She even got back together with her own Xbf (who was either engaged or recently married) and when he dumped her she began pining over my FWH again.

The thing is, she doesn't even know my FWH. They lived together for two months after we were separated, and he played a role the whole time until it started to disintegrate and he wanted to come home. She claims FWH "changes" when he is with me, but actually the person who he was with her was a total farce.

Hopefully she (your FWH's OW) gets over it soon, but until then I hope she's in complete misery.

MOW recently posted or twittered that in case of her being in an accident, someone needs to inform my husband. Or I should say, she mentioned how sad she is that there is no-one that knows that he should be informed because her love is a secret. How delusional can you be?

[This message edited by AmberDust at 7:29 AM, February 16th (Sunday)]

The OW in my case is very similar. The problem is, they have an OC together So its not as easy. Of course she wants the father of her child to leave his REAL family and come be with her. She WILL NOT let go of the idea. I too check her fb and read status' like "Its so hard to wait for something you may never have, knowing its everything youve ever wanted." The fact is, she doesnt even know the man she is "so in love" with. She only knows the bs he told her. She also puts it off on he's not leaving because of our children, or fear that ill "move back to michigan" and take the kids, or better yet that i would "kill" myself if he left me. Thats not to say i wouldnt be extremely hurt but the ow will believe ANYTHING BUT that he doesnt want her.....Its so annoying. I know we both need to stop looking. Ive found times where i havent and i feel better, then i go and read again and get furious. I just keep hoping one day ill look and theyll be somebody else..

Amber dust, I cannot believe what I have been reading; our OW (former GFtoo) just posted, "until recently, I thought you were gone forever, and I was resigned to a life of existence. I truly believe that one cannot replace a soulmate and I couldn't, wouldn't even try….. She has written posts about her thoughts (supposedly supported by research) about why kit is not good to stay married for the kids as if that is why he came back to me. She said so many things about pushing through the fear and having courage so that you can live the true life you are supposed to live. She even posts songs and lyrics constantly, recently including his initial, her initial with a heart between them. She is so sick. They al seem to be the same!

she is that there is no-one that knows that he should be informed because her love is a secret. How delusional can you be?

She is such a mess that instead of living a real life, she has a secret life that she would rather create . This is the saddest/sadist thing ever.

The best way to put out a fire is to deprive it of oxygen

Stop looking. Don't breathe life into her fantasies with your attention. Don't feed her silly flames, or twin flames for that matter any longer. Let the flames of her fantasy die from inattention.

Snuff this out.

Cut off your view, and in turn the oxygen you unwittingly give to this garbage.

you won't regret it.

...our OW (former GFtoo) just posted, "until recently, I thought you were gone forever, and I was resigned to a life of existence. I truly believe that one cannot replace a soulmate and I couldn't, wouldn't even try….. She has written posts about her thoughts (supposedly supported by research) about why kit is not good to stay married for the kids as if that is why he came back to me. She said so many things about pushing through the fear and having courage so that you can live the true life you are supposed to live. She even posts songs and lyrics constantly, recently including his initial, her initial with a heart between them. She is so sick. They al seem to be the same

Apart from the initials, we can shake hands. I could have written this post. PM me if you want to talk more!

Cut off your view, and in turn the oxygen you unwittingly give to this garbage.

you won't regret it.

MOW does not know that I check up on her, but you are right, of course. It is better to focus on my marriage. I wish I was there already!