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broken <3 (original poster member #35098) posted at 7:26 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014
Well everything seemed to be going fine after I let him come back home. He was angry - at me! For kicking him out though. Shoulda had my antenna up after that but nope. I fell for it. He started IC, passed his test and his blood tests for stds came back clear. But something was nagging me. It felt off. So I used his cell phone and lo and behold - he had contact with his old pot dealer. He said he just hung out at his work and I knew it was lies. But I fell for it. His liver tests came back inflamed and I shoulda took that for a red flag too. But I rug swept it all. I asked him several times what he did while he was gone, I made it a bottom line to not be here if he got high. But he lied lied lied. Right to my face. He finally admitted it and he's gone again. I'm so weak I feel like throwing up. He's been gone since Saturday and now he's NC. I told him I was mad and why and said I don't want him here. He was quiet and said all he wanted was for us to be a family. I said I did too but not with a cheater, liar and pot head. Help me keep on track people. I'm a mess.
Hanging in here for the twins. Made calls to L. Appointment tomorrow. But this doesn't negate the fact I feel like a fool.
Me - BS mother of 2year old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:54 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014
(((broken <3)))
Not a fool, just someone who loves someone who can/won't stay straight.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Truly ( member #40715) posted at 9:06 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014
I'm with Sisoon,
You are not a fool, there's no shame in loving someone and giving people the gift of second chances, it merely speaks of your humanity.
You're going to be fine, you are strong and loving.
(((((broken<3))))
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:30 PM on Monday, February 17th, 2014
If all he truly, TRULY, wanted, was for all of you to be a family, then he knew precisely how to accomplish that. Yet he pissed or toked it away. For a momentary high. His actions do not match his words. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
broken <3 (original poster member #35098) posted at 3:16 AM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014
Yeah. It's never about me, the family or anything any normal person would cherish. It's always about him. I'm so heartbroken.
Me - BS mother of 2year old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...
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