SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

@cmego,

My first thought about your friend who said "Well, when they meet me, they will fall in love with me and age won't matter." is why would you want someone who needs that convincing in the first place?

@Gomphus,

I find that very interesting. I don't go out much right now because of work but I anticipate that changing soon. If I were to receive interest from women 5-10 years younger (not saying I would) then I don't think I would be opposed to it. It's just a question of getting to know each other and you may find you have interests...and most importantly...values in common.

Million Pieces,

He responded that if you are with a younger woman then you are seen as a super stud because you can satisfy a younger and more energetic woman. Especially if you aren't loaded, it must be your super sex skills. Or giant penis.

This was the answer I was looking for, sounds about right. I was curious. Good discussion. I always wondered why old guys liked younger girls, too. Well, what if it's an older woman that looks younger??

In all fairness, my fiance was mostly kidding. Mostly. And in his defense, he didn't seek me out because I was younger, we were set up by a mutual friend. Many of his friends are my age (he was older having a child) and I do have several close friends his age. We have a ton in common because our kids are in the same stage of their lives. And while we don't always talk about our kids, we don't always talk about 70s vs 80s rock

BUUUUTTT, I know he gets a little teasing crap from his coworkers, who are mostly older than him about his young girlfriend.

Brandon808…I think that is the crux of that issue. The people who are lying about their age, or only seeking younger partners, are at the core being manipulative. They don't SEE the manipulation because, after all…love is blind, right?

I'm not at all saying this is a male issue either, I've heard plenty of men complain that women will either list their ages as younger than they are, or more commonly, use really old outdated photos. Like 10 years old. Again, the same idea, "Well, if they just MEET me, then they will ignore the fact that I only used old photos!"

It is this kinda crap that makes OLD a real adventure.

I was 40 when I met my current SO who was 19 at the time. We started off as co-workers, became friends and 2 plus years after meeting started dating. In the 4 years that we have been dating we have purchased a home together, became journeymen together, purchased an acreage and planned our dream home. I never envisioned a life with a SO younger than me. However I am not dating him for self esteem or ego reasons and he is not with me for financial reasons. We just fit together. There are other persons on this site who have larger age gaps and are quite happy in their relationship. It truly is not just about age but how you want to live and who you want to live with.

There are some obvious pop evolutionary psych explanations regarding fertility (women) and access to resources (men) behind these, but the validity of pop evolutionary psych is very questionable.

There are all kinds of explanations...daddy figure, mommy figure, arm candy, stability and money, whatever.....

No one answer fits everyone. Everyone is different.

There are other persons on this site who have larger age gaps and are quite happy in their relationship

I have about the same gap as gardenparty. My SO is younger than I am. Neither of us were looking for younger/older partners. Most of my other partners have been older than me, most of his other partners were younger. But the funny thing is, our personalities mesh together so well and we want the same thing out of life. I'm not particularly thrilled with the age difference but it isn't really a problem for us.

He was actually kind of shocked when he found my true age because he thought I was pretty close to his age. I knew there was a difference and refused to date him. But he is exactly what I've been looking for and we are terribly happy together (we did have a few kinks to work out though, but they seem to have made us stronger and our communication improves every day).

Happiness is so hard to find. If you find someone that makes you happy, why throw problems at it that don't need to be there?

It truly is not just about age but how you want to live and who you want to live with.

I think it would be easier to date outside my age range if I met someone in real life, got to know them as a person, and fell in love with their personality. At that point, I agree that age probably wouldn't matter.

But with OLD it feels kind of backwards. You get acquainted to someone on paper and meet them mostly sight unseen except for whatever photos they put up to see. To me it feels incredibly unnatural. It is hard for me to imagine dating someone with a 10 year age gap if I don't know them. If I met them in person, IDK? Maybe?

I think it would be easier to date outside my age range if I met someone in real life, got to know them as a person, and fell in love with their personality.

I think so too. That's what happened with me. If I had met him online, I would never have gone out, but I knew him for a year before we started dating and he had become my best friend. I was the one with the hang-up about the age but at some point it just sunk in.....this guy is gentle, this guy is always here for me, this guy is on the same life path of self improvement. I used to hate the word "soul mate" but he truly feels like that to me, and that crosses the age barrier for me.

NaiveAgain, that is a wonderful relationship story.

I do think that OLD is very artificial. The only part that does kinda match with organic dating is there generally has to be at least basic physical attraction.

IRL, you see someone, but it is how they move, how they are dressed, how they speak, maybe how they are treating another person. You may find that someone that was a 6 on your "scale" turns into a 9 once you get to know them.

When I was young (college), I met most guys either on campus, at a party where he was a friend of a fried, or at a bar…with a friend of a friend. BUT, I was once picked up on the beach (I was vacationing with my family…that was a brave guy!) and once out shopping with a friend. I met my ex at a wedding.

^^^In each of those scenarios, we got to size each other up physically before speaking. There IS some physical component to dating, which is why many of us who met organically the first "go round" find OLD so uncomfortable. But, the younger generations view OLD as THE way to meet people.

There were always creeps and slim balls out there. No matter what, it is a roll of the dice. I can remember working retail fresh out of college, and was helping a man buy socks. I thought he was a nice man, about my father's age or older. Imagine my surprise when he called the store a few hours later and asked me out.

There are no hard/fast rules to dating. But, by far, I am contacted the most by men at least 10 years my senior. Based on age and photos, I'm not going to give them a shot. Plus, I had kids kinda late, so a man 10 years older than me has kids in college, while mine are still in elementary school. We are in very different places in life.

Interesting thread.