This Topic is Archived
Smashedat58 (original poster member #41705) posted at 1:03 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
Under advice from my counselor, I have joined OLD. Not to find a date exactly, but to see how many people are in my same situation, and to try to connect with the opposite sex in a safe way via email. I don't think I would ever want to date any of these men. I'm not being conceited, I just have no interest in them. I still think men are sketchy, after my betrayal. It will be a long time before I trust one again, and these men online seem so shady. I don't even want to email with them.
justabrokendream ( member #3075) posted at 1:20 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
I would join a meetup group. Also would probably find another counselor. Sounds like some kind of experiment.
cmego ( member #30346) posted at 1:35 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
That is crazy advice. I don't know too many therapists that tell you to "get comfortable" by emailing people who ARE going to ask you out and then put you in an uncomfortable position.
I'm with Justabrokendream…try MeetUp or start volunteering at a new place. That will allow you to meet people who don't necessarily want to date you.
[This message edited by cmego at 7:36 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]
me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced
InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 3:58 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
Doesn't seem fair to the guys online either. I'm not seeing the value of this advice other than to stir up issues to talk about in sessions. I think non-dating social interaction with good people is a wiser choice.
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 5:27 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
That's horrible advice! OMG!!! No no no no no no no no no no.......
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 6:09 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
OLD is tough. Lots of passive rejection.....You think a guy is interesting, and you initiate contact. And then......he ignores you.
Or, you are emailing back and forth through the OLD website and .....POOF
Or you email, call, go on a few dates and.....POOF
Or you meet a whack-a-doodle stalker/ax -murderer type and you can't get rid of him.
OLD is not the way to go.
Working on yourself is the way to go. Feeling comfortable with you whether you are alone or not is what you want to achieve.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
HurtsButImOK ( member #38865) posted at 8:28 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
The suggestion of joining a meetup group is, I think, a good one. It will get you out and socializing without the pressure of a meat market environment.
You will also have the chance to learn to trust people without the romantic entanglement.
Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 1:19 PM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
Wow, your IC told you to use people as a means toward your own end? That sounds like terrible advice (and behavior) to me.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
absolut ( member #37933) posted at 1:41 PM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
Just to chime in/pile on, bad advice. I would find a new IC.
Nothing good can come of this.
Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 2:02 PM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014
I agree that your IC gave you sketchy advice. Especially if you are not ready to connect with men yet. Hell, do you even want to connect with men yet?
Another example of bad advice, this one from my psychiatrist (saw her for MD's mostly, saw my IC for therapy). She knew I was agnostic but she told me I should join a church to meet men. Yes, I was advised to deceive the members of a church, pretend that I believe the same things they did, for the sole purpose to get a date. What the holy hell?
If you want to get out again, join a meet up group or a book club, or volunteer somewhere, or take a class in your favorite hobby. OLD is not for the feint of heart and is NOT the place to start socializing again.
(((hugs)))
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
What2Do76 ( member #30349) posted at 2:33 AM on Friday, February 21st, 2014
D-Day 11/20/10
Love Is Not Constantly Wondering If You Are Making the Biggest Mistake of Your Life
cvs2kkids ( member #41298) posted at 1:08 PM on Friday, February 21st, 2014
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 7:46 PM on Friday, February 21st, 2014
This one is going in my book.
Just sayin'...
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
better4me ( member #30341) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, February 22nd, 2014
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 9:01 AM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
I think a meetup group is a great way to meet people.
I would sign up in your area.you can check out whose going to the meetups before you sign up foe a specific group. They have so many different groups based by interest. Check it out.
I think I would clarify your therapists suggestion. Sometimes mine has said something that took me by surprise. When I later asked, what she said was not what I heard.
Good luck
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 10:59 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
The best way to meet people in a shared environment: joing a meetup group, join a workout group, volunteer, take a class (cooking, ceramics, art history, etc), actively engage your existing friends in socializing, etc.
OLD is for dating, period. Unless you're ready for dating, don't jump in to OLD.
Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single
This Topic is Archived
