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InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 4:34 AM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
((((Sad)))))
This sucks. I'm sorry.
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
Sad in AZ (original poster member #24239) posted at 1:51 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
Thank you for the kind words; I'll survive-that's the best outcome.
I go to court on Wednesday night; I'll let you know what happens. It's going to be costly, punitive (deserved) and devastating to my psyche. I'm dealing with other challenges and very stressed but I truly appreciate you all.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
MrsDoubtfire ( member #24786) posted at 1:54 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
I know you asked for advice not hugs but sending you a huge ((((HUG)))) anyway.
You will probably lose your licence for a while so start looking into alternative ways of getting to where you need to be. Are there friends that can help or public transport close by etc.
You blew a low level alcohol so my guess is the penalty will be whatever the minimum for your area is but your brother will probably know everything you need to know about the legalities.
We are just here to hold you up and let you know you're not alone.
BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 1:58 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
I just saw this. I'm sorry you are going through all of this and glad that nobody is hurt. I hope it doesn't interfere with your ability to get to work. I also do not see this as indication of you having a problem. You had an extra drink and left a little early. IDK if you felt buzzed or not but you could have gotten a blowout regardless of if you had a drink.
--------------------- Edited to remove potential political comments. Let's just say I do not agree with the reduction from 0.1 to 0.08% BAC
I hope you can find a good L and get through this without having to deal with too much.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Sad in AZ (original poster member #24239) posted at 2:10 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
I've spoken to the attorney; they wrote the book on DWI in New York. I know the best case/worst case scenarios, so now I just have to wait to see what happens. Very hard for a control freak...
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 6:23 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
Best of luck.
I'll second the going to AA pre-emptively. Get a little notebook, and have the moderator sign and date it every meeting. You should go every day, or at least 3 times a week.
My fiance got a DUI in PA 5 yrs ago. My father, who is a retired police officer, said the first thing you do is get to AA-get it validated that you were there, and begin a log to show a judge/prosecutor because it shows them you are likely to not do it again.
It was a first offense for my fiance, and his lawyer got him into ARD (accelerated rehab and I can't remember the "D"), where he had to go to traffic school, he lost his license for 6 mos, and he was on probation for 1 yr. And he had the hefty fines.
While on probation he was NOT ALLOWED to drink AT ALL. His PO who he saw weekly, could have showed up at his house any day, any time and piss tested him to make sure he was not drinking.
He was terrified, and embarrassed when he was arrested. He didn't have to spend the night in jail, thank God, and after all was said and done, he complied with the ARD program---his arrest and charge were expunged from his record.
Do whatever your lawyer says. You have to not worry about the money----I think they'll set up a payment plan. They rarely expect anyone to cough up the entire fine amount at once.
(((((((SAZ))))))))
Sad in AZ (original poster member #24239) posted at 11:21 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
NY does not have an expungement program, so AA is useless for court purposes. Either to plead guilty, plead to a lesser charge or go to court to try to win.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 2:18 AM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
The AA might not help to expunge the charge but it looks good in the eyes of the court that you are being proactive and could reduce the sentence. That is what DS21's lawyer keeps telling us. The more he does up front to show that he is working to be proactive looks better and helps in the long run.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Kelany ( member #34755) posted at 2:08 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
AA also can't hurt you either. My women's group is amazing. Lots of DWI people in the group. Very supportive.
BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:12 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
Sending you strength for court tonight, SAZ.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 2:18 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
Good luck!! 
"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 2:28 PM on Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
Prayers for strength coming your way!
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 3:50 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."
Sad in AZ (original poster member #24239) posted at 4:52 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
The DA didn't show up. I have to go back in two weeks.
Since I've been drawn into another members drama, I won't be posting any more updates, but thank you for caring.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 5:00 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Sorry that you have to wait for another 2 weeks.
And doubly sorry that you don't feel that you can post here about this at this time. I would encourage you to keep posting to get the support you need.
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 5:05 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
I agree with Moo...keep posting if you want to
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
unbreak_my_heart ( member #12145) posted at 5:50 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Two totally different dramas. You owned up to your mistake, felt shame and did not expect people to tell you, you did nothing wrong! Please keep us updated.
HAPPILY RECONCILED!
I ♥ my Husband!!!
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 5:51 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
You get our support regardless of any other post/member/situation. There's no relevance to your situation and anyone else's, and I have faith that the general membership gets this.
Sending you good thoughts for an uphill climb out of this. You are good hearted. You are smart. You are brave. You are going to get through this ok. This is the hardest part right now, and I'm sorry that you are having to struggle through it.
(((Sazzy)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 5:53 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Sazzy, it is my hope that a little pot stirring isn't going to send you away.
Pffft to that. Seriously.
We're here for you, no matter the issue.
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 9:00 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Yah, this ^^^^
Sorry you have to wait another two weeks. Arg.
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
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