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Newest Member: Anderson78

New Beginnings :
sigh..ex was himself.

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 cmego (original poster member #30346) posted at 1:16 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

I don't even know how to vent about this, and not sure it belongs in NB's…but I'll say it here.

My ex. I sat in meeting about my son's learning disability yesterday, and he sat there and cried. I kept looking at him, trying to listen to the Intervention Team, and thinking…"yup. Doesn't surprise me." I've been to every meeting, done all of the pushing, and have been pushing for a year to get my son extra help. Now officially dx with a learning disability yesterday and the ball is now rolling to get him the help he needs. This was the first meeting ex showed up to (go figure…the "big one"…he shows) and proceeds to make a scene and basically, well, look like a wuss.

I think what really bothered me is that, as usual, I feel like I'm always the "strong one". No matter what, he will never, ever change. I was the one taking notes, asking questions, listening, engaged..while he sat in the corner and either pontificated about how grateful he was for the teacher(which I mentioned to him when we were walking in), or cried.

I tried to muster a little sympathy while we were walking out, or…maybe I just wanted to see if he would be honest…and asked why he was upset. He just said, "It was hard to listen to…".

I started grieving back in September when I realized there was a problem. I'm ready to just help my kid and move forward. He seems to just now understand there is a real problem.

Yesterday, I felt angry for always being the "strong one". I never get to just…break down. But, today, I feel better. No anger left, still kinda numb.

I wonder how I was ever married to that man. Then, I also noted that I felt absolutely nothing for him. It was like hovering over and watching a stranger. No pull toward him at all, and slightly repulsed.

It feels so good to be completely detached. I also realized that my 4 year antiversary is next weekish. I guess that 3-5 year healing timeline is spot on.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6703173
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:26 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

I SO understand this. Just went through DD15's annual IEP meeting and had a similar reaction to wasband and how he acted during the meeting. Attention seeking? Needy? Or something. Anyway.

((((cmego)))) Continuing to send you strength, honey.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6703181
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sparkysable ( member #3703) posted at 3:54 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Are you kidding me? What is his problem? It's not like he just heard news that his child has a terminal disease! I don't get it!

D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

posts: 5718   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2004   ·   location: NY
id 6703431
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ThisHell ( member #37089) posted at 4:24 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Made it all about him, eh? Shocking..

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate... without a strong stand up father figure to take on some of that load.

Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

posts: 309   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012   ·   location: NC
id 6703494
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better4me ( member #30341) posted at 6:32 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

You are a good mom, Cmego.

He is an adequate (maybe, barely adequate) dad.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!

posts: 4246   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Missouri
id 6703696
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 6:40 PM on Thursday, February 27th, 2014

You did an awesome job.

He's just an ass. There's no accounting for idiots.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6703712
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 4:53 AM on Friday, February 28th, 2014

You did what you do - be the strong parent, because that's what your kids need. It sounds like that you've always held that role, and the good news is that you are accustomed to this role, and it's beneficial to your kids.

Him? Well, as you said, it wasn't unexpected and it won't change. Thank goodness your kids have you to stabilize them. Is it fair? Of course not, but there is no other option for your kids' sake. You are an awesome mom lady. ((Hugs))

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6704447
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