StuckinNJagain:
"I feel like such a failure and totally worthless."
Reading your posts and your profile, it's so clear you're in the Black Hole and being crushed right down right towards the singularity. Zero volume, yet an infinite density of pain.
I know it can be really hard to get outside yourself-- to see yourself through different eyes than the wounded, weeping ones in your head that have given you a lens on the world your whole life.
I know it's going to hurt, and keep hurting, and grieve you and anger you as you keep slugging through this. Some of that is absolutely unavoidable and no words can lessen its pain.
I would only suggest-- really firmly-- that you not allow your wife's actions to be any kind of indicator of your worth. Seriously, I've been there- so many of us have, men and women. The betrayal of your trust is agonizing-- and I will not pretend otherwise.
But just know your wife has proven, with her immoral choices, her deceits, her recklessness, she has PROVEN how unworthy she is to assign you value. So even though this hurts so bad, take that part of the pain that comes from feeling "worthless" and trash it if you can!
Don't let a person who can't even honor a sacred vow do this to you. Don't let a person who can't value the sanctity of marriage, who can lie so easily, who can treat sex in so utilitarian a fashion, who can fail a husband and her children so spectacularly as your wife has-- don't let HER actions make you feel worthless...
Of all the pains I had to go through after D-Day, this was one of the cruelest, yet it was the most unnecessary.
We can promise you-- you can get through this. YOU. And ten years down the road, a stronger You than you can imagine right now will be looking back at this very time, the very You that you are right now.
He will see it all from above and beyond this present nightmare, not inside and beneath. It will grieve him still to remember this time, this agony he endured. It will pain him especially that, in the midst of his bygone suffering, some of his pains were so, so unnecessary.
He will know what you can't easily believe now or see yet-- that you are not worthless at all. Your wife's actions may make you feel that way, but the future You-- and quite likely the future Her-- is going to look back at this time and see it all so differently. You are going to see then who the worthless one was, and who was the prize. Who behaved like a strong, faithful person-- and who behaved monstrously.
Try, even in your pain, to make the choices that will demonstrate your strength to your kids. Protect them, even though it may mean taking further wounds to spare your them. You yourself grew up in a painful childhood-- it's why your wife's actions hurt even more deeply than you thought possible. But try with all your might to be strong for them-- even though this hurts like hell.
You can get through this. And you are worth more than you can believe.