SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WH really IS a very disciplined man who actually COULD control himself enough not to cross that line.

But he did. He had an affair which is already crossing the line. And he knew at the time he was crossing the line.

The problem with crossing the line, is sometimes when that happens they throw all caution to the wind and do whatever.

I agree with Holly-Isis and Jrazz. Your logical thinking is not what waywards have. So he still has plenty of reasons to lie.

Here is the thing (and no, I'm not being naive when I say this), my WH would not have initiated ANYTHING. He just never would.

It seems that may be true but that's not your husband's failing. He fails to stop things before they cross the line. He goes along like a doormat.

So what I guess you are hoping to believe is that the pushy aggressive slut neighbor didn't really push your husband for more than kissing.

Did you ask if she grabbed his dick through his pants? I call bullshit if he says that didn't happen.

I guess I didn't read your other response very closely because I also have trouble believing someone would drive 10 miles away to sit for 5 minutes and only kiss, then return.

If it meant I had a chance to find out the truth the poly would be a road trip I'd take.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 1:52 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

I think it can be the truth. In my case my fwh admitted to kissing and groping but has consistently stated no sex. We are 5 years out and i have never had any thing give me reason to believe there was sex......even though initially i kept waiting for that to "trickle truth" out. The ow pursued and had major history of pursuing. Her goal was actually money.....she didn't really want sex with him....she came on to him and got him to be kisa to pay her debts.

So, i do believe there can be no sex.

I also know how damaging it was to our marriage and how it changed our dynamics. The lack of sex is not what made me work to reconcile. It was his behavior after dday that made reconciliation possible

And you hit the nail on the head! In reality she is in a miserable marriage plagued by business debt. She is looking for a "sugar daddy" to pay her way out. My WH makes a very good salary as an executive with a well known company. He was never going to leave me for her and he told her as much, which pissed her off.

She was after a the $$ and a quick way out.

Once things were over with my WH, she moved on to a local politician and a popular bar owner. She knew what she was after...

Did you ask if she grabbed his dick through his pants? I call bullshit if he says that didn't happen.

Its actually funny (and I mean ironic) that you say that because I said EXACTLY those words to him!!

Hate to tell you but these OWs tend to be very sexually aggressive. My fWH never initiated but there was sex. If the OW was pushing for it then she was very likely physically accosting him and fact he kept seeing her is telling. These woman literally throw themselves at and on men. Many want the MM for money and use sex to entrap with pregnancy or blackmail.

I would get you both tested for std's including you for hpv. Also just kissing or having oral sex with someone sexually promiscuous can give stds. Hpv and herpes can be caught with exposure to genitals even if no intercourse.

[This message edited by whattheh at 3:47 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

I might have missed one fact, how did you find out about your H and the neighbor woman?

After hearing so many lies over the years, I learned to pick out oddities from the noise.

The only question I would have is this. If they were sitting in a bar having a beer, why would they end up sitting in car?

I might also wonder was it after dark sitting in the car?

Well, turns out my gut was right.

They both travel for business and he finally admitted there was one time they were both in the same city. (it wasn't planned)

It only happened once (and I believe that) but once was enough for me.

Not sure what I'm going to do now, thinking about filing for divorce...after I get tested for STDs *eyeroll*

Just too numb and sick to think clearly at the moment.

Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it.

((((OnlyUpp))))

I'm sorry he turned out to be so typical. TT sucks and it spits in the face of the gift of another chance at the M.

The only question I would have is this. If they were sitting in a bar having a beer, why would they end up sitting in car?

I might also wonder was it after dark sitting in the car?

Hmmm Craig, I missed this..good point

I only thought of this because that is how my fWW and the OM had their fun after work at the start of the affair. Bar for beer and then the parking lot.

Looking back, I could almost sense a change at the beginning of the affair after the change from Daylight Savings Time to Standard time. What fun, it is dark an hour earlier now after work.

I ratted her out to her husband.

He is hurt of course, but not really surprised.

As I mentioned earlier, we had both suspected for quite a long time...

[This message edited by OnlyUpp at 9:08 AM, March 7th (Friday)]

So in essence, he really has no reason to lie about it. He knows it wouldn't make things any different.

Trust me, he knows it would make things a LOT different if you knew.

Schedule the poly.

Today.

Awww, I just saw your last post after I'd posted about scheduling a poly.

I hate to say it, but the overwhelming majority who believe it was only an EA end up eventually finding out it was physical. I'm not surprised at all to hear it.

Most people seem to be only as honest as their options.

Trickle truth sucks and please know that you still more than likely didn't get the whole truth. You might finally pull it out of him months down the road or maybe even years. "We did it ONCE" usually means ten times and "TWICE" usually means 50. Ugh.

Sending you strength.