SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I believe it all comes down to is I may know too much about the A. And it's something I can't get away from right now.

It looks that way right now. I get it. I can tell you that it does get better. Sadly the truth is it may haunt you for a little while.

Right now knowing too much about her A seems like a curse (and it is, don't misread me), but the alternative is that you don't know anything and your imagination put horrible images in your head. That sucks too.

I guess I am trying to say (and doing a horrible job of it) all you have to do tomorrow is to decide, not to decide. Working things out isn't a destination it is a path. You can leave that path whenever you want.

You can try. Not for you, not for your W, but for your Daughter. If I read your post right, she is worth the risk, right ?

I had D papers in the works, had found an apartment to move to, was shopping for furnishings, etc. When it came time to tell my daughter that Daddy was going to move out and that I was going to D her mother. Well, it broke me. I couldn't do it.

I took that as a sign I had to at least try. I still tear up now thinking about her and how she may have reacted. So many days after that I needed strength and I found it when I looked at her and how happy and smiley she was when I had planned on telling her.

With her in mind I found great resolve. She gave me a lot of hugs, "just because," but I found the strength I needed at the time there. Look there, I think you will find it.

I can also relate to family of origin and trying to not place that hell on my children.

The reasons can change later, but worry about later when later gets here. Day to day is probably all you can manage. That is OK. Trust me when I say this gets better. If you take nothing else from my post, just take that. No matter how your M ends up, this does get better.

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. It has been a rough 4 days so far. I still can't sleep or eat. I know there will be days when I just don't want to go forward and I know there are days when I see the love I have for her. To be put in this position is something I never ever expected or would want to put on anyone else.

Hi Crosby,

Sorry for your situation.

I have a couple of thoughts,for you.

1. Get to a doctor and get something to help you sleep. Sleep makes a big difference. It helps you think more clearly and make better decisions.

2. Yiou said this:

I love this woman and see it in her eyes that she is truely sorry

Gently here, but careful with the "eye reading". Something went waaaaaay wrong. It wasn't anything to do with you. ..all her. She needs to figure out what is wrong with her to make her choose such a horrible path.

3. I totally agree that you didn't need to decide anything right now. You make the timetables, my friend. You. No one else, including a MC.

4. There is nothing wrong with being a deal breaker. It may take you some time to validate that for yourself, so fine, take that time. In my situation, dude, listen, my wife, telling another man she loved him, sleeping with him.......oh hell no. (...and I had a 2 year old son and a five year old daughter in the equation). I now have primary custody of them,too. But, that's my situation. My XWW was not truly remorseful. It sounds like your wife MiGHT be. She'll show you that by her actions. But, remorse or not, you still have her feelings at large. For example, does she still love this person?

5. You were smart to find SI. It can be very valuable, because people here have lived infidelity and have (unfortunately) become experts -- maybe (probably) more expert than most MCs.

Be true to yourself, my friend. And take as much time as YOU need to figure out what that means for you.

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 10:59 AM, March 5th (Wednesday)]