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Long Gone (original poster member #32587) posted at 9:34 PM on Friday, March 7th, 2014
Alright....this may sound strange and maybe not.
I have never been one for porn.....i admit that on occasion I would be forwarded something that would involve a celebrity or something and I would look....
(okay....now for the TMI)
back in the beginning of our relationship/marriage....we were drinking a little one night...and took a short vid of our doings.....we thought it was great at the time. Later that week I went back and watched it.....it was by far the most erotic thing I have ever seen.....when she walked in the door that night it was ON.....over the next few years we would take pics and several vids from time to time....they were hot to us.....time went on and our marriage faded and then came the dark period PRE A......I craved her.....but she had turned..we never had sex....I missed her....but I still had our porn....which I became obsessed with. I hid it away so she could not erase it as she did to the first one we made...she searched it out and deleted it because she had plans on leaving our marriage at the time.
I watched and observed the collection frequently during those years of darkness...right up through the A.....I wanted my wife back...I wanted those times back....not only the sexual person...her as a whole...the vids and pics werent just of sexual nature...
that was until I discovered the A....everything was forgotten at that point....I had even tossed what I thought was the HD with the items in the fire.
Well.....last week I found them on another drive I had in my safe......It brought back nothing but pain.....intense pain......something I had valued so tightly (basically porn of us)....stabs me in the heart
i dont know why.....
[This message edited by Long Gone at 3:36 PM, March 7th (Friday)]
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 9:51 PM on Friday, March 7th, 2014
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
LostSamurai ( member #41347) posted at 12:13 AM on Saturday, March 8th, 2014
I am sorry that you went through that dude. My prayers are with you.
I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, March 8th, 2014
I don't think that pain is about porn so much as it is about memories.
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 1:25 AM on Saturday, March 8th, 2014
I agree with stillgoing ^^^^
I'm sorry your hurting ...
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 1:46 AM on Saturday, March 8th, 2014
..time changes everything.. circumstances change, perspective changes, values change, maturity changes.. spouses change
..i'd have to say that i feel the same way about my wedding photos..
something I had valued so tightly
)....
stabs me in the heart
sorry your are in such pain.. good memories turned bad.. rips the soul..
smy 
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
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