So, I found out that H searched for old affair. I confronted him. He told so many different stories about it that it's just pathetic.
His excuse was that "if" he did then it was only once out of curiosity. To see where she was working, if she was still in the same city.
My response, so kind of like when you lied to me and went out to lunch with her "to test the waters"just to confirm to yourself that nothing was there 5 years after the initial affair (and I believed his lies then).
I'm so angry, and trying to have a reasonable conversation turned everything around on me again. No, I'm not perfect, but I was clearly in a place for a long time where I thought he was a really smart well intentioned person and I was in a spot where I couldn't help myself(ppd and gad) because he told me I couldn't take those meds.That's a whole other story.
Anyway, so much I could ramble on about at this moment, but he's lied again about searching for her. I have a screen capture of it. He denies it and as the conversation went on it turned into I must have searched for her 6months ago, a year ago, two years ago and I started laughing and said now you're just flat out lying because he was still in contact with her a year ago, and he erased it all d day #2 last March. He slowly came around to "if" I searched for her it was out of curiosity. He tried to tell me looking for her was like watching a train wreck. I told him if I were in his shoes I wouldn't search for or want to know anything about the person that was the reason for my entire life blowing up.
I am so mad at myself. All I can do is laugh at him, but then he guilts me saying you're going to let something so little ruin our family. Well, turning to a 23yo first year at your office when I was pregnant with number 2 in a house we couldn't afford is kind of how our family went off track, but again it's my fault for being a jack hammer and making him uncomfortable about his housing and job choices. Well, yes, I had to mention the fact over and over and over that the house he bought without me seeing was too expensive for the job(with a pay cut) that he took. He and his family ignore problems and uncomfortable situations because that makes them go away in their world.
He was trying to ignore the financial ruin we were going into from his job and housing choices yet me constantly telling him we had to move. We had to get out from under that house was me "jack hammering away at him" everytime he was home, so he needed an escape. Well, that escape was hanging out with a girl 10 years yonger than him instead of coming home to his pregnant wife and kid. It's all my fault for freaking out that we couldn't sustain the costs of where we were living. Everything he's done wrong eventually comes back to being my fault.
So, back to where I began. He lied about seaching for the former affair. It's apparently normal to search for them when you are fighting for your marriage and your wife is out of town. Oh, yea. He lied about looking at porn, too. He says he looked at it twice over the weekend when I was gone. LIAR. He had his ritual morning session and his evening session before bed. There's always an excuse.
