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Ugh.

The past few weeks have been difficult. We're closing in on our 1 year antiversary, and I'm getting more and more blue. I've been sort of closing myself off, being quiet and extra introverted.

Today, we talked a little, during which WH said he's been feeling frustrated and sad, because he doesn't know what the state of our marriage is.

We've been doing surprisingly well for almost a year, and after two weeks of me being blue, he's scared? He told me he worries it'll last forever, and he'll be miserable.

I told him it's going to be like this. R isn't easy, and I'm going to have setbacks. And I told him that it all boils down to whether or not he feels like he can fight for our marriage.

And he says (I cannot make this up): "Yes, if it's fun!"

OMFG.

To be fair, I THINK he means that if our marriage has some fun in it, he wants to fight for it, NOT that the fighting for our marriage needs to be fun. Still---what the hell?!

I asked him recently if hearing me refer to the OW in a derogatory manner still bothers him, and he admitted it does, because, he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

Am I wrong for wanting him to look himself in the mirror and see himself for who he really is and what he really did? How long can he walk around with this blindfold on?

No, you are not wrong for wanting him to take full ownership of the damage he created. Doesn't mean he can or will. Our older daughter finally found the bimbo's phone number, called and left a hateful VM for the bimbo, bimbo called xh and cried to him, he chastised daughter for 'saying those bad things about bimbo because if you're saying those bad things about her, you have to say them about me, too.' Daughter said YES, I'm saying them about you, too. xh couldn't face what he had done and told me it was easier to walk away (after 35 yrs of M and family) than to work to fix himself and fix our M. So my xh didn't want to work that hard. Your ws is going to have to decide just how important you and your M are to him. If he isn't willing to go full-speed-ahead to repair the damage HE created, no matter whether it's fun, then what ? If YOU aren't so important to him that he can't be fully vested for the rest of your life, you must ask yourself whether this is the kind of M YOU want.

"Yes, if it's fun!"

This type of response really is worthy of you *going off* on his ass.

He was being an ass with his sarcastic reply to you and I don't see your attribution of his meaning as being anywhere relevant. He was saying to you: "yea, JF, this is *great fun* dealing with you when you are in a *mood*, along with this .

he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

.....and....he has some type of problem with admitting that????

TBH, I would've blown a gasket at receiving that sarcastic *fun* response. FUCK HIM. HE brought this shitstorm into YOUR life (you didn't ask for it, it was foisted upon you)....if he wants to get all pissy and butt-hurt over your response to it, then THERE'S the door. Was it *fun* for YOU to have to deal with a cheating spouse? I don't think so. You need to make sure that the blame gets placed squarely where it needs to land.

he said, that if he admits she's a horrible person, then he has to admit that he is, too.

A year out? Fucking A.

What's really going to hit home if he ever figures this out is why he's using the present tense to say that.

I dunno if that's really dramatic or not but I haven't used italics in awhile and wanted to.

OMG I've had this exact same conversation. Except it was whined "why can't we just have fun?"

Um cuz your dad died, your mom is disabled, your sister doesn't have a job, my Mom's in credit card debt, our dog has cancer and YOU fucked someone else. Oh and our jobs suck, we're on cal 1/3 of the time and were chronically sleep deprived but by all means cry about your fantasy land fun life not existing.

What a whiny idiot.