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HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 2:56 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
My marriage used to be a shiny, fancy house built on sand.
The sand shifted, as it does, and my shiny fancy marriage crumbled. All my beautiful things were strewn all over the ground. Everything I had and thought I loved was busted and broken. All gone. Everything gone. Nothing Whole Anymore. It was very sad. So sad.
18 months later my marriage is a teeny tiny shack. It’s not much to look at yet, nothing fancy, because we’ve just started rebuilding. We haven’t filled it up yet- because we are being really careful about what we’ll allow in our space this time. We’ve got expert builders helping us and even so, it’s slow going. We have to rest a lot. But we’re on solid ground this time. So no matter how long it takes us to rebuild- it’s okay because we’re building something that’ll last. We are not shiny anymore but we are strong.
Tonight I’m grateful that my marriage fell the hell apart so Craig and I could rebuild it stronger and better and realer.
Broken is the beginning.
Just wow.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 2:59 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
Broken is the beginning.
Certainly true in our case. Thanks for sharing.
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:01 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
agree, very nice sentiment 
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Neverwudaguessed ( member #41884) posted at 3:01 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing it with us...
BW: 46 Me
WH:50
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13
Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 4:16 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
AML04 ( member #39682) posted at 5:29 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R
eachdayisvictory ( member #40462) posted at 6:16 PM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9
Reconciled
orchidsoul ( new member #36110) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing
You've got to let your soul shine
Dday- May and June, 2012
slater13 ( member #39008) posted at 5:20 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
I like the analogy but couldn't disagree any more with the conclusion. My marriage may be rebuilt. Parts of it may be improved. But let's be clear, it will never be BETTER.
It will always be stained and tainted. Am I supposed to thank my wife for fucking another dude for 3 years so that we had a chance to fix our marriage. Absurd.
The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 8:51 PM on Thursday, March 20th, 2014
That is awesome.
I believe it and am living in the same little shack.
I don't ever want shiny and pretty again.
I want real.
Thank you for posting it.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Jacobswife ( new member #42534) posted at 2:57 AM on Friday, March 21st, 2014
OMGosh! I love this post! Thank you for sharing!!!
Me:46
WH:42
Married: 13 years, Together: 15 years
Kids: daughter 12, son 9
Dday: January 10, 2014
Trying to reconcile!
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 3:07 AM on Friday, March 21st, 2014
slater13, I'm sorry that this hit you in a negative way. That's the one thing that I've learned more than anything else on this journey...there is no one way that we heal, no one way that this is experienced. What works for me will not necessarily work for anyone else, but I am SO glad we have this place where we can share.
I think it must be really, really hard for a BS who felt completely content and happy in their pre-A M to be able to see R as anything "better" than before. For me and my H, things were never right. We looked flashy and pretty from the outside but never had a strong foundation. What we have today is exactly like the quote describes, only we have begun building a beautiful home where our little shack once stood. The foundation is strong, and true and pure. Do I wish we could have found our way here without all the pain? Absolutely. But I also know both of us well enough to know that was pretty unlikely to happen until we both felt enough pain to make the changes that needed to happen.
Peace and strength to all of us.
H
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 3:28 AM on Friday, March 21st, 2014
Spot on.....thanks for posting.
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.
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