Freak out dream alert!
Horrible horrible dream saturday night. Awful. I found out he never stopped cheating, and was way worse that I could have imagined my entire marriage. dozens of women, and even a few men. He described the encounters in detail. Bragged about it even, I was visually seeing him with one man, like a video playing.
It was vividly real, and my heart was breaking all over again. His addiction was so so deep. He offered to go away for help even but I was just devastated.
I was back in the doctors getting tested for more std's.
Then last night I had another dream. Similar vein, except just two more AP's.
Clearly, I still don't trust him and I still have a lot of fear. I was triggering yesterday about it.
I think I figured out why I'm triggering. I don't have an "a" season. This went on for 5 years. But, 3 years ago I had a partial gastrectomy (1/3 of my stomach was removed) and vagotomy (nerves that produce stomach acid among other things were severed) due to severe gastric ulcers. I was hospitalized for 7 days. My husband could barely muster the ability to come visit me. He was home...gaming. he did however call and tell me that his AP had been fired. Except I didn't know she was his AP so I sympathized with him.this was when their relationship ended physically.
He was distant, cold, and abandond me essentially. Two months later, AP#3 came along during another health crisis.
The pain dulls, yes, but never leaves. Ever.
Guess my triggers are starting early this year as both ddays were in July.
