SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Stbxh was just at the house to pick up some stuff for a work event. My threat to apply for exclusive use must have scared him a bit straight...he texted me last night asking if he could pick up the stuff verrry politely and nicely.

He comes in this morning "good morning!" and all friendly. I'm sitting downstairs having coffee/reading. Boys are upstairs playing.

Anyway- as he's leaving- "I hope this doesn't sound too AGGRESSIVE, but why did you feel compelled to tell MUTUAL ACQUAINTANCE DAD FROM DS1 CLASS we have separated?" (Stbxwh gets all pissy about privacy whenever I tell anyone anything about our split mostly because he wants to protect his reputation...)

I just respond to him "Umm- that was a convo between he and I and I can tell whoever I want because it's reality. Plus- he has been D for many years now and I just thought he could empathize."

Obviously stbxwh ran into him somewhere and he said "sorry to hear..." or something like that.

After stbxwh left, I sent him a text (YES I know this is all probably anti 180- but I'm in a funny mood) saying

"I also told so and so because he is really nice and sweet and seems like a good dad and is kinda cute and may be an option for me longggg down the road when I feel ready to date."

I can't believe I said that. Annnnd, the funniest? Subconsciously it may be true.

But that outta shut him up!

I have no idea how wise that was, but good for you!

Ok I'm gonna whack you a bit with a 2x4.

You managed to get him to be calm and respectful when he comes to the house and so you decided to poke him with a stick and possibly upset and irritate him again? Why?

Stop feeding the drama llama! Because it will only hurt you if he decides to freak out about it. You need to be helping yourself.

Get back up on the horse and try better next time.

Yeah, kind of high school of you.... Silence speak louder.

Ok youve had your fun, but now its time to be smart. You should not provoke him like that.

What do you expect him to do with that information? Send you an "LOL- you go girl!" text back?

No. He is going to ise that to fuel his wayward anger towards you. Be careful. Sounds funny in your head, but once said you cannot take it back.

And worse yet, you sent it via text- for him to reread or pass along to his attorney.

Stay the course! Be smart. Never poke the bear when so much is still up in the air. (Read: admissable in court!)

Ok ok- you're right.

But man did it feel good to say it...

I bet it did! I am totally high-fiving you through the internet right now. I know sometimes the pressure cooker just goes BOOM. I get it.

:)

Just be smart. Come here and tell us what you want to send.. But dont really send it. I have done that many times and I swear its nearly as good!!

You what'll feel even better?

When you get to the place where you can happily tell him that your interactions with other men are none of his damn business, and knowing you don't owe him an ounce of explanation - and meaning it.

You have to get to indifference first to mean it though. NC helps you get there.

Ditto what everyone else has said. NC and don't poke the bear. Leave your venting here or with your support network of friends and family. It really is the best path to follow.

Hey-it's great that he was calm. I really hope it stays that way.

I know it takes practice, but I told you to keep all communication to text and email and pretend the judge is reading. You should have at least had a friend there.

Funny? Yes. We have lots of laughs down here is D/S, but never at the expense of our pending divorce/custody battles.

I bet you've been calm and rational a million more times than him in times like this, but you can't start being rude and emotional now.

Honestly, I think you were trying to make him jealous. When you stop caring about him, who you think about dating will be absolutely none of his damn business..