SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yesterday I broke NC with WXS regarding our DS.

For the last 3 weeks he has come home from his dads really upset as he is really missing him. When he has to leave his dads on a Sunday he gets very upset having to leave. My DD is also really unsettled every Sunday night too and it's exhausting.

Yesterday after ex dropped the kids home and DS was really upset I texted him to ask if he had been upset at his as he was crying a lot. Ex texted back to say that yes DS was upset as he doesn't like leaving his daddy and can not understand why ex lives alone.

I then did something stupid and said that our kids were suffering from the fallout of everything and said that I hope he was happy now that he got what he wanted. Stupid I know.

Anyway, ex replied saying that no he wasn't happy and that there was no need to dig the knife. He also said that had we finished amicably our kids would still feel the same.

This really angered me. I replied and said that finishing amicably had nothing to do with it, that we were happy, and it was our relationship to deal with. Not to share with someone else. I also said that him being broken and having an A had caused all of this and that he must be really scared to look inside himself if he can't even try and fix himself for the sake of his children. It just pisses me off as ex always diverts the blame on me and says nasty things to me. You would think it was me who had the A!

He hasn't responded and I'm glad as I would have replied.

Now this morning I am kicking myself for giving him so much power. I know I shouldn't have texted him but it makes me really angry at him when I see my children suffering because of his actions.

I also asked him to only contact me about the kids when they are with him if it is an emergency as I'm sick of him texting questions about why DS only eats frozen peas, DD being unsafe on the road etc, blah, blah, blah. And to keep his compartmentalising to himself.

Sorry for the rant, time to get back on the bus!

((dindy))

It is hard to not blame them when it is their fault the M ended and your kids are hurting. I get it. Would they still be hurting if it ended amicably? Yes but not as bad because there wouldn't be a huge gulf between their parents. Of course he tells himself they'd be hurting just as much - it is how these guys live with themselves. Same as the lie they tell themselves that if they're "happy" their kids will be happy. I'm happy - my girls are not. Of course they keep their feelings hidden from their father because he tells them they are being silly when they do share with him.

You're angry because your kids are hurting and you want to rip his face off. There is no parent here who hasn't felt the same way. The sad clown felt it about me because this was a dealbreaker for me. In his mind it is my fault the M ended - he merely put it in jeopardy whereas I ended it. IMO he fatally wounded it when he got on the slippery slope, killed it when he slid down it, repeatedly.

We'll never agree on this point - it wouldn't make a jot of difference to my girls pain even if we did agree.

What is done cannot be undone. That's the rub.

When the urge strikes post here - not to him. You know it just causes more hurt.

Thanks for your reply SBB.

You are right. Ex is constantly telling himself lies that what he has done is ok.

But it's not ok.

I'm the one that has to deal with the fallout. DS doesn't miss me when he is at his dads because I haven't abandoned him. Ex will never understand that and he has happily put all the damage in a box to forget about.

Today is another day, I'm back on the bus.

Sending strength to all of us.

Dindy,

I am right there with you! Things I would love to say to him:

1. You are a piece of crap and I am sorry that our kids have you as their Dad.

2. Why didn't you just leave?

3. Screw me over and do what you want to me, but how could you do this to your kids?

4. YOU are broken, but why did you have to break all of us with you?

5. She can have you! Wait, I did say that!

2good Annie I have said to him that I wish he wasn't my kids father.

The sad thing is the OW has gone NC with ex since I told her GF about their A. She lives in another city with her GF.

If ex and OW were together now at least I might be able to understand that they were really in love and this mess wouldn't have been in vain.

Oh wait, maybe that's why they used to say to each other that they knew what they were doing was wrong. It shows it was just one ego rub after all.

Before ex and I S ex did say that he did it because he could. Probably one of the only true things he did say to me.

Then a few months later he changed his mind and said that he would be with OW, and the only reason he wasn't was because he was respecting OW's decision to make a go of her relationship with her GF. I know this is a way for him to convince himself that what he had done is right as he can't face the pain he has caused.

Or maybe it's because he knows she is a lesbian with daddy issues, and could never have a proper relationship with a man!

Now my children have to suffer from his selfish actions.