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steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 6:03 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Well, his date with the hooker happened on the last warmish day (November 5th). And it's warming up... so he pulled out his light jacket on Sunday evening... I hugged him goodbye yesterday morning... and got a hair in my mouth... a very long blond hair... with dark roots. He hadn't worn the jacket since then... I've been trying to get past it... because I know whose it is, and when it got there... but it's had me all triggery and brought back mind movies and everything... because I know it was hers, and how it got there. He asked me if I want to throw the jacket away... and it sucks because... I do... and I don't... because I bought it for him, and sewed the patches for his favorite team on it...
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
ShiningAutumn8 ( member #42558) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Get rid of it. You took the time to personalize the jacket with patches of his sports team, and how did he honor and repay you for that? For wearing it to meet up with a hooker.
Throw it away. Your emotional well being is much more important than some jacket that HE likes.
I'm so sorry this happened - it sounds like a horrible trigger.
Is it odd that the hair would've stayed on the jacket for 6 months, in the closet? Or was it tucked away kind of tight?
steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
it was tucked away in the very back of the mudroom closet with the kids' light jackets. truthfully, we haven't used that closet since then, because we don't use the side door in the winter because the way the walk holds water and freezes, and since the neighbors moved he parks out front, instead of in the driveway. it's only been 4 months.
Well... I didn't get rid of the pants or shirt (or even underwear) that he was wearing that day... and they don't really trigger me... the jacket wasn't the problem, really... it was the hair. I don't even think throwing the jacket away would help. (Although, his offer to throw it away helped... he offered to burn it in the firepit. 
actually, maybe that would help!)
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
Neverwudaguessed ( member #41884) posted at 7:18 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Ugh! It sounds like the jacket was not the real problem; oh, but the hair! I cannot imagine the feeling when you realized. And it sucks because it is not as a result of something that just happened (thank god!) but it certainly must hurt as if it had. I have nothing to offer; just felt compelled to support! ((steadfast1973))
BW: 46 Me
WH:50
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13
steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 7:28 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
exactly.
When I told him about it, after he got home, he looked wounded. He hugged me and cried, and offered to burn the jacket. He's handling it exactly the way I need him to... but it just brought it all back... and for a minute... it was just like dday all over again.
Now I want to go back to her day job and kick her ass. Or at least make her think I might.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
refuz2bavictim ( member #27176) posted at 7:37 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
Or at least make her think I might.
That is far more satisfying. Fear is a far better prison for her, and zero risk for you.
At any rate sorry to hear about your trigger. Maybe disinfect the jacket. No need to soil all of your hard work on the patches or to toss a gift from your heart. Put in a bag with some moth balls after you douse it with a heavy hit of lysol. Give it a few weeks and if it survives, toss it in the wash and start all fresh.
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