annb
I was in extensive IC for a previous mental health issue. I have a regular IC I was down to once a month after completing a long process of EMDR. But because I had to move nearly 40 miles away from my home I have a very hard time getting to my IC now. I need to find some sort of IC and honestly that is why I am here. This is a great deal of help to see me through this process.
I have the tools to get through this, I am just in a bit of shock I am handling this so well (relatively) considering the huge blow I just took. I think it is because I just finished the end road to my attempted suicide recovery. Long story short - I had been dealing with a life long severe case of depression from a childhood traumatic sexual abuse from an older woman. The details are not important, but it was so severe it later led to my attempted suicide. I had battled my whole life with thoughts of wanting to die. I know this experience and the subsequent help (amazing at that) I obtained had truly thickened my armor and ability to deal with almost anything.
But, I truly was struck down to my knees by my WW's affair and the final DD. I can't explain it. It is as if it took half my heart out and just destroyed it. I dont know what to say...I am walking, dealing, and managing this experience as a BS completely aware half body was blown away from betrayal and I can feel (believe me I can feel it!) the pain of the wound left over. But I just know in my head and heart I can live without that part. It wont kill me. I will survive and be smarter, wiser, more capable eventually.
Am I in shock? Maybe. Or am I just used to this sort of pain? Am I at the point in my life that nothing anymore can shock me? that worries me. I am worried I will lose feeling...
Therapy may be the answer... but honestly I have been through enough therapy and am confident with who I am now more than ever. My IC was merely a upkeep. In fact, it was becoming unnecessary according to the professionals.
I know I need help through this process... I am just thankful I found this site. It helps during those moments when I think, "waaaaait, this isn't quite right" or how to comprehend what I am feeling.
Just getting out my thoughts...
[This message edited by justme1264 at 6:45 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)]