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kansas1968 ( member #32214) posted at 1:13 AM on Friday, March 28th, 2014
Forgivness is an interesting subject. My husband and I are still together in spite of a seven year affair and I care a great deal about him, but even after three and a half years, I have not reached forgivness. There are a few things that I need for that to happen and he has not been able to really do those things. He has done a lot, but I know I have not forgiven him.
It is really not the affair but things that happened during the affair that involved me. The total lack of respect for me and my feelings. I just can't get past those things yet and don't know if I ever will. I really wish I felt differently, but I don't think you can force yourself to forgive someone, even if it would be better for me. 
Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.
gettinout (original poster member #13700) posted at 2:05 AM on Friday, March 28th, 2014
Thank you all for your perspective on forgiveness.
I have let what has happened go. Took a few years but really like my life despite all the hardships the divorce caused.
The further out from my EX I get,the more I can't believe I stayed for so long thinking I would never survive without him. I think the OW did me a huge favor
Regardless, do I need to forgive him to relieve his guilt? I don't think so at all. He can burn in his private hell waiting for me to say those words to him. He really believes his bad luck will change if I tell him these words..........oh well,poor him 
me:52 BS
him:48.serial cheater
DD:21
DS:1
Married: 20 years
Too many affairs
1 OC
Too many false R's
Now he is love with another
Update:DIVORCED..not sure I like it but at least it is the truth!!
He has married OW and have a 2 yr old a
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, March 28th, 2014
asked me to tell him I forgive him for what he has done to me
Text the asshead back with this: "Stop contacting me." Or just ignore it altogether.
Notice that he didn't even ask if you HAD forgiven him. He just wants you to *say the words*.
You have moved past his crap. He has not made the amends to you that would be required in order for you to tell him whether you have forgiven him or not. He, actually, sounds as if he's still ass-deep in the wayward mindset. He doesn't understand what forgiveness really means (and probably never will). Don't know what is going on in his *oh so wonderful* new life, but it may be better NOT to pet this drama llama.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 3:03 AM on Friday, March 28th, 2014
I think people do a massive amount of damage to their own healing by trying to forgive people out of some idea that they need to do so to or else they will never feel okay with themselves and are just going to get worse every day.
If this person does not consume your thoughts anymore and you couldn't give a shit about them anymore - that's called being healed. They don't hurt you anymore.
Trying to find a way to forgive a person who has wronged you, that you have already moved on from and left in the past, is like trying to make yourself better by cutting away scar tissue with a nail clipper. It just makes new wounds over the old one and fucks everything up all over again.
If you get to a place where you feel like you can forgive someone, then power to you. If you have moved on without providing that forgiveness, it's insanity to double back and revisit the world of hurt. Let it stay healed. Don't pick at it.
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