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What songs can you relate to right now in this process?

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AlwaysTooNice ( member #41701) posted at 1:50 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Let it Go from Frozen has been my go-to. I open the sunroof, blare the song, and practically scream/sing the words every night on the way home from class.

Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

posts: 66   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2013   ·   location: SE USA
id 6740999
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AlwaysTooNice ( member #41701) posted at 1:52 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Oh my gosh! How could I forget?!

Fuck You by Lily Allen

Seriously... download it.

Me: 25 SAHM Him: 27
DDay 1: Sept 2009 - rugswept
Married: Oct 2010
DDay 2: Nov 2013 - confronted 3 weeks later & separated
False R. Filed for D Mar 2014

posts: 66   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2013   ·   location: SE USA
id 6741000
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Getting to Happy ( member #35200) posted at 2:18 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

I used to love this song. Now when I hear it, it makes me bristle and then I start to tear up.

Just after DD I was work and this song came on...I started to cry...and nobody at my job knew what had happened between us. It was horrible. I had to run off the the toilet to hid so that no one could see me.

Mr. Happy and I have since R'ed. But this song still makes me sad. He was so handsome and a great husband and father... I thought that I was a princess in a fairy tale for most of our marriage. Now...not so much.

We are just statistics...common, prosaic. Something I never wanted to be...

He is still handsome, and a great providers but our life has changed. We are different, the innocents is gone.

FAIRY TALES~

I can remember stories, those things my mother said

She told me fairy tales before I went to bed

She spoke of happy endings then tucked me in real tight

She turned my night light on and kissed my face good night

My mind would fill with visions of perfect paradise

She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice

He'd ride up on his horse and take me away one night

I'd be so happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight

She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie

She never said that maybe, someday he'd say goodbye

The story ends, as stories do

Reality steps into view

No longer living life in paradise

Of fairy tales, no

She spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this

She said he'd slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince

She said he'd come to save me, swim through the stormy seas

I'd understand the story, it would be good for me

You never came to save me, you let me stand alone

Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold

My story end, as stories do

Reality steps into view

No longer living life in paradise

No fairy tales, yes

I don't look for pie up in the sky, baby

Need reality, now, said I

Don't feel the need to be pacified, don't cha try

Honey, I know you lied

You never came to save me, you let me stand alone

Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold

I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly

I found the poison apple, my destiny to die

No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin

My fantasy is over, my life must now begin

My story end, as stories do

Reality steps into view

No longer living life in paradise

No fairy tales, hey, hey

Oh, Lord

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown

posts: 1254   ·   registered: Apr. 1st, 2012   ·   location: La La Land
id 6741019
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heartslammedshut ( new member #38614) posted at 3:44 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Bruno Mars When I was your man

Bob Seger The Famous Final Scene

Temptations I Wish It Would Rain

Bonnie Raitt I Can"t Make You Love Me

Wynonna Judd Is It Over Yet

I know they are old but they have been playing a lot on my iPod lately

posts: 30   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2013
id 6741092
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justinpaintoday ( member #42858) posted at 3:50 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

WORN by Tenth Avenue North says it all for me. Listen to it on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

posts: 700   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2014
id 6741097
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Smashedat58 ( member #41705) posted at 4:36 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

I find it very therapeutic to listen to some beautiul classical music like Scheherazade, by Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov. The high pleadings of the violins, and the low sonorous horns tell a desperate story of adventure, by a slave to her king. It eventually becomes a love story. I know this is very different from the songs that have been listed, but there is wonderful emotion to the music, and it is great to grieve or cry to.

posts: 178   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Upstate New York
id 6741120
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Livingalie2014 ( member #42332) posted at 4:38 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Listen by Beyonce

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Reflections by Christina Aguilera

Love these songs, but they make me sad.

In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It goes on - Robert Frost

posts: 55   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2014   ·   location: Lost
id 6741124
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Flourgirl ( member #40937) posted at 7:31 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses kills me but I can't stop listening to it.

Look what You've Done - Jet

The Giving Tree - Plain White Trees

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Breakeven - The Script

I Hate Myself For Loving You - Joan Jett

Lyin' Eyes- the Eagles

Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

and many more I have a playlist far too long to list.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

posts: 190   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2013   ·   location: Kansas City
id 6741202
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thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 8:43 AM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

I once started crying when Journey's "Faithfully" came on the car radio and didn't stop for nearly a week. I knew it was time for ADs! Recently heard it and others that formerly triggered without a problem, even sang along and suddenly realized what the song was without a hiccup.

Now my song is "She let herself go" by George Strait. There are parts that don't apply, but basically, this is me. Here's a link to the words. You can also hear it on youtube.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/georgestrait/sheletherselfgo.html

Eta: "Let it go" is good too.

[This message edited by thebighurt at 2:44 AM, March 30th (Sunday)]

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 5033   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 6741228
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:18 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Heard this live last night. I've healed a lot - if it had been 2 years ago, I'd have thought of hara-kiri).

He Stopped Loving Her Today

Written by R. V. Braddock and C. Putman, Jr.

He said I'll love you 'til I die

She told him you'll forget in time

As the years went slowly by

She still preyed upon his mind

He kept her picture on his wall

Went half crazy now and then

He still loved her through it all

Hoping she'd come back again

Kept some letters by his bed

Dated 1962

He had underlined in red

Every single I love you

I went to see him just today

Oh but I didn't see no tears

All dressed up to go away

First time I'd seen him smile in years

(Chorus)

He stopped loving her today

They placed a wreath upon his door

And soon they'll carry him away

He stopped loving her today

(Spoken)

You know she came to see him one last time

Oh and we all wondered if she would

And it kept running through my mind

This time he's over her for good

(Repeat Chorus)

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31149   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 6741461
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Afraid2LoveAgain ( member #11185) posted at 10:54 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

I'm many years out but Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season album got me through it.

If You're Gone

Angry

Crutch

Rest Stop -- fantasized about doing this

Busted

Shame

I'm not sure what Rob Thomas had been going through but the songs were perfect.

BW -- 58
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

posts: 508   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2006   ·   location: NC
id 6741710
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brokensunflower ( member #38674) posted at 11:43 PM on Sunday, March 30th, 2014

Where would you be Martina McBride

me 34
him 34
7 wonderful kids 14 yrs 10 yrs 7 yrs 6 yrs and 4 yrs 2yr ..and new baby
married 15years together for 12

my give a damn is busted

posts: 265   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2013   ·   location: cold ohio
id 6741743
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bigskyblues ( member #36759) posted at 9:54 AM on Monday, March 31st, 2014

My turning point to healing was realizing this wasn't my fault, my xww was broken. Then I was able to believe in me, I was a good husband (not perfect) and a great dad (not perfect). About that time I also found "Proud and Humble" by Imelda May.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX030a0hrYc

I've listened to that song so many times over the last year and a half!

BSB

[This message edited by bigskyblues at 3:55 AM, March 31st (Monday)]

BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!

posts: 277   ·   registered: Sep. 8th, 2012
id 6742154
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 scangel3 (original poster member #36164) posted at 7:18 AM on Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

Thanks for all the posts, I have quite a few new songs to add to my Playlists.

But I forgot one big song that breaks my heart...

Brian McKnight everything I do, I do it for you. That was our 1st dance song at our wedding, that song use to make me crumble in a good way, and then the A happened and that song is the biggest trigger song I have.

WS take such beautiful things from us and replace them with ugly nasty feelings that sit at your core, I just don't get it

BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 10, DS 7, DS 6.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

posts: 718   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2012   ·   location: Portland
id 6743425
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TheBestMe ( member #39476) posted at 3:52 PM on Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

^^^^ this post reminds me of how much I CAN NOT STAND to hear our wedding song:

Here And Now Luther Vandross

"I promise to love faithfully....

Here and now I promise to be one with thee.

You're all I need"

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 24 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

posts: 508   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Inner Peace
id 6743789
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betrayedhusband ( member #38443) posted at 4:43 PM on Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

I have listened to a bunch of Bruno Mars during this time.

"When I was your man" hurts a little, but I am her man again, so I can listen to it. Makes me think about how we "drifted: apart over the years.

"Gorilla" 'cause that's what our HB was like.

"Just the way you are" because that is how I have always felt about her...not just when she lost some weight and "he" noticed and complimented her.

"Grenade" because that is how I really feel when I think back over this. "I would do anything...but you won't do the same." Hopefully, that only addresses the period of the A and not our reality now.

I struggle with "Mr. Brightside" as covered by Paul Anka. I think it hits on my paranoia that since this happened once, it could happen again. I relate to lyrics, mind movies, etc.

I really pay more attention to lyrics now than I ever did. Which now makes me despise "Escape (If you like pina coladas)". I don't care that it has a happy ending...its an awful premise!

Me BS 48
Her fWW 47
Married 24 yrs
Together 30 yrs
DDay 16 Jan 2013
EA 9 months & PA 1 month
Children 2 young adults
Working through it
"Character is what you are when no one is watching"

posts: 163   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2013
id 6743878
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selfrespect911 ( member #42746) posted at 4:59 PM on Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

Resentment

No Angel

I Care

Listen

Ring the Alarm

Borken Hearted Girl

Scared of Lonely

Why Don't You Love Me

Smash Into You

It I Were a Boy

Me, Myself, and I

Best Thing I Never Had

-- all by Beyonce. Girl gets me through.

What Now

Take a Bow

California King Bed

Complicated

-- all Rihanna.

I Will Wait

Holland Road

Ghosts That We Knew

Lovers' Eyes

Hopeless Wanderer

Below My Feet

After the Storm

The Cave

I Gave You All

Little Lion Man

White Blank Page

-- all Mumford & Sons

Let It Go

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)

-- Frozen Soundtrack

All I Wanted

For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

Misery Business

-- Paramore

Cry Me a River

What Goes Around...

Mirrors

-- Justin Timberlake

Try

Just Give Me a Reason

-- P!NK

Wrecking Ball, by Miley Cyrus

Staying Alive, by Cursive

Seventy Times 7, by Brand New

Terrible Lie, by Nine Inch Nails

Cat and Mouse, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Dig, by Incubus on those rare occasions I pity him.

[This message edited by selfrespect911 at 10:59 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]

BS 26
WH 32
Nov-?? A with his Ex

EA DDay: 31 Jan, I moved to in-laws
PA DDAY: 23 Feb
DDay 3: 13 May. Back in A.

9 Mar: I moved back. A went underground.
9 Apr: He moved into parents.
14 Apr: Me NC with WH.

posts: 148   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2014   ·   location: UK
id 6743902
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Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 7:00 PM on Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

Even being fully R'd, I find strength in the song

"Stay" by Sugarland. I KNOW - after this journey - I am strong and can survive almost anything.

I love how she starts out begging him to stay with her... and at the end she's all like stay with her, I don't want you anymore

"Stay"

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall

And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call

It's just another call from home

And you'll get it and be gone

And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby

Beg you not to leave

But I'll be left here waiting

With my Heart on my sleeve

Oh, for the next time we'll be here

Seems like a million years

And I think I'm dying

What do I have to do to make you see

She can't love you like me?

Why don't you stay

I'm down on my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely

Don't I give you what you need

When she calls you to go

There is one thing you should know

We don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby

There will come a time

When you will leave her arms

And forever be in mine

But I don't think that's the truth

And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting

It's too much pain to have to bear

To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay

I'm down on my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely

Don't I give you what you need

When she calls you to go

There is one thing you should know

We don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer

But my will is getting stronger

And I think I know just what I have to do

I can't waste another minute

After all that I've put in it

I've given you my best

Why does she get the best of you

So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay

I'm up off my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely

You can't give me what I need

When she begs you not to go

There is one thing you should know

I don't have to live this way

Baby, why don't you stay, yeah

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

posts: 8488   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: WNY
id 6744095
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