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That's all. Just saying it out loud.

Anyone else agree?

(((Silver)))

I understand.

(((Silver)))

I understand.

Agree. Always hope to change it, haven't managed yet.

(((silverhopes)))

(((Silver)))

I've been there, too. I'm sorry. It can get better in time. Sending you strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:40 PM, April 6th (Sunday)]

(((Silverhopes)))

You are lovely to hang out with.

Absolutely agree. ((((silver))))

Thank you my dear friends (((hugs to all of you)))

You really are. You and Baby Silver are wonderful!

From one anxious person to another, I had a wonderful time with you and Silver Son

As an old person with social anxiety for many years, all I can say is one foot in front of the other, and keep going. It may not get easier, but it does get familiar--and that works quite often.

Big hugs

(((wildbananas and Sad in AZ)))

It came back.

It is bad to take a vow of silence? To just keep to yourself and see how long you can go without saying anything? To try to wear clothes that match the color of the wallpaper? Feeling like everything I say, regardless of its good intentions, makes me come across like an alien. Or stupid. I hope it's just the weather.

((((silver)))) I understand, hon. But anxiety tells you lies. Nothing about you is alien or stupid.

You are clever, kind, and beautiful.

(((silver)))

Thank you both.

I just figured out why today's hard. I'd forgotten. I thought I was going to look forward to Mother's Day - I look even more forward to it every year, because I think it's really a celebration of my son (that's how I feel about it). Today I remember why: Four years ago, the day before Mother's Day, was the day I told my father that I was going to have a baby, and that was the day he hung up on me and walked out of my life. The day before Mother's Day, and for the specific reason that I was going to become a mother. I'm realizing that today hurts worse than I realized, because of it. I'm counting my blessings, being thankful for my mother, being thankful for my son, and for the family and friends who I have left.

Just going to acknowledge how much it hurts that he left and hasn't come back. It hurts that the decision he pretty much presented me with was: choose between having my son and keeping him in my life. I chose my son, obviously… but in my heart, I meant to choose both. My father was the one who couldn't accept my choice and remain in my life, and that's so sad. Not only for him and me and our family, but most of all for Lil Silver. I would never choose differently though. Lil Silver means more to me than anyone. Life would be unbearable without him. So my father can remain away, if that's the choice I was asked to make.

I hope that over the years, I will be able to make this day even happier and augment to the joy I feel with Lil Silver, every single year, a celebration of our bond.

I think I realized today that some part of me really wanted him to come back. The last time I saw him was this last summer, at my Nana's memorial service. He saw me, Mr Silver, and our son. He did not acknowledge a special bond. I hoped, I think, that some part of him would come back. The last time before that that I had seen him was more than three years earlier, about a month before he walked away. He only wrote me again a few weeks ago, after 8 months of ignoring my emails and Christmas card. It's really hitting me that he's gone and I did want him back. No matter how unhealthy that would be for us.

I hope I will be able to let go. It's an active process isn't it? Time to go find some resources on actively letting go of someone, day at a time.

(((((silver)))))

(((silver)))