Hello, everyone,
My BW and I had another argument this morning and it seems as if things are getting progressively worse. Some of you know my story here, my wife and I have been together for almost 8 years and for the majority of the time we have been together, it has been in R, but I've lost count of the number of D-days because of my TT.
Now I am a sex addict, a liar, a cheat, and I admit to being all of those things before I even met my wife. I've had affairs, paid for sex, chased down any woman willing to even give me the time of day for sex. I've disclosed these things to my BW through half-disclosures or TT, but I think I have disclosed the majority of everything that I have done, pre-marriage and post D-day 1.
Because of the numerous TT and my manipulative nature and lies that I have told my BW and myself, I find myself in a cycle. Things are at a detente and then BW has questions on her mind. We talk, I become defensive. Then voices get loud, things might or might not be thrown. Nasty words are exchanged and things disintegrate. This is what led to us living under separate roofs, but I have been spending weekends with BW and DS. This morning, before I went to work, we found ourselves in the same position.
I take the position that I have not cheated in over 5 years, pursued another relationship or paid for sex, I go to work, I help out around the house at times, I take care of our son, I am not doing anything that is betraying our marriage and then I act like, "Why are we still talking about the same things?" My BW takes the position that there are things that I am still hiding and lying about and thus, we are at a stalemate. I can't convince her differently and she can't believe me because of my lies.
Has anyone found themselves in this position? How do you move past the cycle? I have offered to take a polygraph (can be beaten, she lacks faith in it), look for a couples counselor to talk about this specific topic (and all other topics, but because of my lies in couples counseling, this is not really a viable route now), and offered to look for an IC that fits her criteria (she is embarrassed to repeat her story), but we have not moved towards any of those things.