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Uhtred ( member #40392) posted at 11:40 PM on Saturday, April 19th, 2014
Look man if your wife had time to take out of her busy schedule to have an affair she certainly can make time to try and save her marriage if that's what she wants.
She is responsible for this ugly thing and she is the one that is going to have to put in the work to make you want to even consider keeping her as your wife. I'm not sure when DDAY was for you but I'd imagine its quite fresh.
Have you laid anything on table about the conditions that she must meet for you to even consider R? I see that she has taken a leave of absence as you requested.
Me: BH 38years old DDay 4-29-13Her: FWW 39
OK now ( member #14459) posted at 1:31 AM on Sunday, April 20th, 2014
Part of your current problem is that you are just too eager to reconcile and forgive. Willing to take a large slice of blame and no consequences for your wife's behavior.
She experienced mind-blowing sex, multiple times a week and as long as she takes a leave of absence and makes a sincere attempt to rebuild, you are apparently satisfied. The OM isn't available as a replacement or she may very well be gone. The affair may have gone underground; its going to be difficult for both of these characters to give up such high quality pleasure.
She knew the marriage was never in peril; just a matter of how much remorse she was required to display in order to satisfy you. You need to rock her world; metaphorically bring her to her knees in sobbing pleas for forgiveness. Your current approach is too cut and dried; she knows what she has to do and she hasn't lost much of anything. She really showed you utter disrespect bordering on contempt, [sex in the marriage bed] yet no mention of possible divorce. I wish you the best of luck but this would not be my solution to mending this marriage..
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 2:26 PM on Sunday, April 20th, 2014
She experienced mind-blowing sex, multiple times a week
OK Now, how do you know that?
You have no clue what it was like, yet you always write stuff like that.
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 2:41 PM on Sunday, April 20th, 2014
...not sure it matters if the sex was good, or not. One measure, for me, is whether the WS goes back for round two. If they have sex once and are racked with the pain of guilt and are extremely remorseful, that's one thing. Intentionally going back for more seems to take things to another level. For one thing, one time would seem to make it easier for the WS to blame themselves (and rightfully so). Continuing the sex seems to create a psychological imperative to start creating reasons beyond the WS. That's where the blame shifting and marital rewrites start. That's where the faux "I love you" bullshit starts. It's justification for horrible behavior.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
OK now ( member #14459) posted at 3:31 PM on Sunday, April 20th, 2014
craig2001
The affair had been going on for 11 months, 2 visits per week with multiple sex sessions on many of those times. It happened, inter alia, in our bedroom, our spare, our couches, his bedroom(s?), a least one of the cars. So many times they had long ago lost count. It was all unprotected, but that was ok because he said it was ok. I asked for the brutal details and got some. She told me that the sex was better than ours because of a number of issues, including his size, his fitness and that he cared more.
The above is from a previous post from Didact; as you can see my comments were not out of line; it truly does seem like mimdblowing sex.
I am sure you have some original contributions that you could make instead of wasting energy by taking jabs at me. It may take less effort to criticize other SI members, but I'm sure you can do better than that.
[This message edited by OK now at 9:41 AM, April 20th (Sunday)]
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