SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I want to get rid of any material items that trigger bad thoughts in my head. This sadly includes our SUV,RV, HOUSE and some furniture....lol. Is this something that is realistic or will I someday be able to look past that?

You do what you need to do to heal. Just be practical about it and don't sell stuff at fire sale prices. The house should be the last thing to consider. But before all of that, I suggest seeing a lawyer first, not to start divorce proceedings, but to know what is within your rights as a spouse regarding property and that you don't damage your position more than you intended.

How important is it for the WW to identify the reason for the affair? She says it was not sexually based, but emotional and just developed that way with out intent (at least on her part).Can i let it be that she was getting emotional support that i was not providing and thats how it goes? It seems like a natural human progression...

You had your own issues in the M. Why didn't you cheat? You seemed to cope better. My quick answer on her is weak boundaries and poor coping skills. However, there really are no easy answers and at times none at all. It is your WW's responsibility to dig deep and find out why. Maybe both of you read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass for starters, along with IC for her.

What point do i move out of this forum and into the next? And what is the next?

It depends on how things progress with your and your WW. Day by day, week to week, month to month. You could go either R or D, go back and forth over the period. To me it depends on how much your WW is expressing remorse and doing in actions to help you heal in parallel to how you feel about staying with her over time. Just take time. This is about you surviving infidelity now. Keep reading, keep posting, keep digesting, accept support from family and friends, seeing IC, whatever it takes to make you whole for yourself again. Get to a position of strength where you have the clarity to make the most important decision for yourself and your future.

Relationship emotional since apr 2013, physical since june. She had an abortion in october. She is currently pregnant,

Along with that i am staying until the abortion is done,

Hold on...Did I miss something? As another poster asked, how do you know that you aren't the father of either of the pregnancies?

[This message edited by Despondant68 at 4:04 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]

How important is it for the WW to identify the reason for the affair?

How important is it to you that you and your WW have a healthy relationship in the future?

If your WW doesn't learn why she had such poor boundaries...and was willing to cross them with relative ease...then what will stop this pattern from repeating?

[This message edited by Despondant68 at 4:05 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]

the "filling the hole in the marriage" is a justification and is not even close to the "why". to get to the why she needs to ask this question, answer it, ask why, ask why again to that answer, and keep going ... for a LONG TIME.

the hole in the marriage had nothing to do with her decision. its what she told herself to feel better about her decision.

She is currently pregnant

Im fixed, so not likely....

Sorry. What a shit sandwich. Plans for this pregnancy?

I'm really curious, why pregnant? She *knows* she's fertile, knows he is also, yet they obviously had unprotected sex. Was it deliberate?

She is looking into seeing if there is anything deeper than "filling hole in our marriage" lol

She got pregnant with this mans( ) child twice while married. She just might have deeper issues.

I see no remorse, just regret. Protect yourself.

I am very close to coming comptely undone at this point.

We have an MC appt this pm, hoping for some progress. I want this marriage to work, not sure I i can hold on mentally long enough to get there, havent slept thru the night since dday, i realize that i may be kidding myself, but i live in a small world, he was my only "best friend" my family (home) is all that is keeping me together at this point.

Yes i agree there must be real reasons as to why it happened

I had to call in sick today, woke up crying and am very tired.

My moral values, not that im a saint or religious make me want to stay in it..

That being said my "spidey" senses are tingling, im not sure if she just realized that she picked the wrong guy and now i am all she has. What a mess.

The pregnancy is to be terminated on the 13th....one month since dday lol.

[This message edited by Despondant68 at 4:02 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)]

Sending SI Mojo. Brother, we've all BTDT. Keep posting, we're here.

First STAND TALL. You did nothing to cause her affair. This is all on her. You stayed true through the toughest times and yet managed to keep your moral compass intact. Be PROUD of who you are.

Yes, this is a shit sandwich. It's too damned big to be swallowed whole, so take small bites.

First, have you seen a DR?

Second, have you been reading the Healing library? Especially the BS FAQ #11.

Third, what are you doing for just you?

Fourth, see a lawyer. Not to file, just know your options.

Fifth, keep posting, it helps.

Strength

Oh dear, oh dear. It hurts so much. Yes, can't go under, over or around. Have to go through.

You're getting wonderful advice. Be patient with yourself.

(((hugs)))