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mof2 (original poster member #40287) posted at 8:34 PM on Wednesday, April 30th, 2014
I have gotten to a point in this journey where I will think about him, stop myself, and think "you don't deserve a f***ing thought." That is been happening to me the last month or so. I will say it causes me to toss the thought of him aside pretty quickly and go on with my day which is awesome! But it also has made me wonder why I cared that he left in the first place.
BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.
MadeOfScars ( member #42231) posted at 8:41 PM on Wednesday, April 30th, 2014
Sounds like healing to me 
I too have tried the same approach of actively telling the thought of her to piss off. The first few times, I'd catch myself still dwelling on things though I told myself I wouldn't. She still ruined whole days for me even without me having any contact with her. That still happens sometimes. However, I also remember the first time this approach really did work. I said "get out of my f**king head," and she did. That was a very good day, and there's been more like them. I hope they become the norm rather than the exception soon though.
[This message edited by MadeOfScars at 2:42 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]
"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t." - Steve Maraboli
DepressedDaddy ( member #41521) posted at 9:51 PM on Wednesday, April 30th, 2014
Acceptance is a wondrous thing. Once we hit our moment of clarity, we wonder why we were pining over it in the first place.
Take pride in the strides you are making in your progress. Keep working hard!
Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
LeftOutintheCold ( member #42856) posted at 12:57 AM on Thursday, May 1st, 2014
stop myself, and think "you don't deserve a f***ing thought.
Maybe I should try this approach^^^^
It does sound like healing to me too.
Me - 43
WH - 41
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Divorce from the ass is in progress!
You can see more of my story on my blog here: http://thatcraftylunchlady.com/?p=833
"Never give up hope and let time heal you"
imwideawake ( member #23386) posted at 12:59 AM on Thursday, May 1st, 2014
Yep, I've gotten there. It's a great place to be. A place I hoped, but doubted if I'd ever be there. When I think of sad stuff these days I hear a voice that says, "you don't have to think about this, you have a choice ". And I let it go.
Together 21 years.
Married 19
Me: BW
Him XWH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now grown
Divorced 12/04/12
sadcountryboy ( member #43058) posted at 1:02 AM on Thursday, May 1st, 2014
I'm starting to do that. I have went back over everything and realized the last year of our marriage was nothing but lies and deception. She doesn't deserve my thoughts. Even though they are still there. 1 day at a time. Get busy and stay busy. Don't sit around too much. You're mind wanders too much when you are sitting around. Get up and get out there and start doing something for you. I have a dog that I love dearly, so he's always eager to do something. It helps a lot.
Me: BH 34
Her: WW 30
Lived together 5-1/2 years
Married almost 2 years
D-Day 3/17/14
Affair for 8 months with a married man at her job
I don't even know who she is. Maybe never did.
Separated 3/21/14
headed to D
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 4:53 AM on Thursday, May 1st, 2014
But it also has made me wonder why I cared that he left in the first place.
I know, right? My first big belly laugh happened when a GF and I were having a beers and tears session (wine, actually) talking about how these muppets broke our hearts. I said to her: "Can you believe that ugly arsed, dull, dim witted guy broke my heart and has me crying on the floor? I mean, seriously, THAT guy? That guy? Really?? I just can't believe it." She agreed her cheating X was equally not so special.
I meant it in all seriousness but as soon as I said it we were both falling over ourself laughing for a good 30 minutes. Even on his best day he wasn't that great.
I did love him once but he certainly wasn't worthy of all of this angst and wailing. Not that anyone is but it's not like I lost a faithful, smart, sexy Keanu Reeves dream guy type of person. I 'lost' a mediocre at best guy - even with my rose coloured glasses on.
Holy lightbulb moment.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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