He knows how much I want this and how hard I'm trying. He says I cause his anxiety though, he keeps saying he wants a NC arrangement where we only talk about the kids. Which is fine, I do that for a few days but then he breaks it by staying for dinner after the children are in bed, by staying the night or something.
There is also the added complication that after the birth of our eldest son, I had very bad PND (PPD), anxiety and PTSD. I was on meds but on a waiting list for IC and I was getting worse. Somehow we managed to get married that summer, six months after our eldest was born but five weeks after the wedding, BH stood up from the sofa, said he couldn't cope with me anymore and left. We were separated for six months, during that time he had a relationship with a co-worker, I focused on myself, had IC and recovered. As soon as I was better, BH came home. We rugswept the relationship with the co-worker because I was so desperate for him to come home even though I felt betrayed. I had all the stuff BS' describe here, triggers, mind movies, low self esteem etc. I just learned to live with it until it didn't hurt anymore. Always too scared to say anything in case he left me again.
The thing is, because of that, I think BH is scared to open up to me because he thinks I wouldn't support him because he didn't support me. I've told him that I will be here no matter what but I had an A so he doesn't believe a word I say at the moment.
He asked me last night not to remind him that I've been through anxiety before and I'm struggling with it a bit now (keeping it under control with my IC) because he doesn't feel I can relate.
