SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She took a picture of our house on a visit to a tourist attraction near us, and posted it to flickr, said it was her "new house" and couldn't wait to move in

That's effin scary shit

You can read in my profile the details of the whack-a-doodle Bunny Boiler, in a nutshell, she harassed, stalked and threatened and we were granted a NC restraining order. She violated it and was arrested. Then violated again and was placed on supervised probation with 90 days in jail hanging over her head. After that, we didn't hear from her again. Thankfully, the law was on our side. If we hadn't had legal recourse this would have ended very badly. I was not in a good place and was feeling as if I was being hunted. I was prepared to do whatever was necessary to keep this lunatic away from me and my kids.

I don't think we would have made it into R if we hadn't had the help of the local police and the court. I would have left him rather than continue to be subjected to that torment. Bunny boilers are never a good thing. It ratchets up the trauma to a whole new level. The stress I endured from just the PA's and EA's was more than enough but sprinkle the bunny boiler on top and it was 10x worse!

Thanks krsplat :)

Ok, so the moment I started trying to pull away from OM the mask didn't just slip, it disappeared completely. From Aug '13 until Dec '13 he was a complete psycho. Although I only saw him once during that time, I still class it as an EA because it was wayward behaviour and I hadn't told BH.

He would text me constantly. If I didn't reply fast enough he would call twenty times. If/when I answered he would scream abuse down the phone at me. I couldn't even go to the bathroom unless I told him first. I really can't emphasis how insesant he was.

I tried to go NC several times. Once he turned up at the house, forced his way in and pinned me against the kitchen cupboards holding me by my shoulders screaming so much he was spitting in my face.

The other times I tried to go NC he attempted to take his own life.

He threatened the physical safety of my children.

He threatened to tell BH, my family, friends etc if I didn't leave BH.

He stalked me, would text me and say 'why isn't the car outside the house, where are you?' It got to the point I was scared to put the rubbish out in case he was there.

He threatened to turn up at the house and kill our dog.

When I confessed to BH on Dday, OM went crazy because I still refused to leave.

He created a fake facebook profile and started texting me with a deadline to leave BH. 'If you don't leave by 11am I'm putting all the photos you sent me on the profile'. Then 'if you don't leave him for me by 2pm I'm uploading that video clip of us to the profile'. Then 'if you don't leave by 4pm I'm going to update the status on the profile with the truth'. He did all those things and I showed BH.

I sent a brutal NC letter and called the police. I showed them all the evidence, they issued OM with a cease and desist notice and warned him if he continued to contact me he would be arrested. I blocked his number and haven't really heard from him since (he did try to contact me once but BH and I wrote a NC text together, sent it, called the police and then changed my number)

OM is now back with his exGF and are getting married (BH told me this, he found out through people at work)

Gosh, writing all that out disgusts me. Not because of OM but because I was such a coward. BH was away during my A, he didn't get home until late Oct '13 but the insanity that surrounded Dday did a lot of damage. I feel sick just thinking about what he went through because of me. The bunny boiler stuff was like salt on an open wound.

I can't even be angry with OM about any of it. Broken attracts broken and if he's that damaged then I was no better.

[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 7:35 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]

Broken attracts broken and if he's that damaged then I was no better.

This. And kudos to you BBT for the work in getting to this.

In our case the AP was pretty much a bunny boiler all the way through. H just didn't want to see it.

At the start H really did want just a friend but as soon as she got his number things escalated. She text for hours every night and at weekends and days off and of course at work they were together too.

She refused to listen when he said the texting was wrong, passed it off as just friends. If he didn't reply she gave him the silent treatment at work.

NO matter what he objected to she made him feel stupid by saying they were just friends. Kind of like, what makes you think I want you? we are just friends! and then proceed to fall all over him. HE ended up with his head up his arse feeling he was going crazy.

Didn't 'allow' him to use my name, silent treatment if he did.

Came on heavy to him but didn't respond when he kissed her.

Had him running errands with him, doing her work for her, jumping through hoops so she would stay happy with him.

Played the hot and cold game to drag him in and keep him hooked. If he did what she wanted he got treated like someone special, if he didn't she froze him out.

Actually came out with 'I am not a bunny boiler' every time he tried to end it and she brushed him off.

Came here to get her nails down and ended up storming out in tears then text me to ask me to go out with her even though she knew I was housebound.

Followed him home from work.

Drove him around for over an hour the night she picked him up to pounce on him.

After they had sex she refused to take him home and drove round some more.

The result was a H who realised what was happening in 3 weeks flat. That he resented her for playing games, he thought he was using her and didn't like the fact he had been played.

He couldn't drop her fast enough, realised where his f* up had got him. What he could have ended up with.

It frightened him, he couldn't go NC fast enough. He couldn't get away fast enough.

He ended up with high bp, two stone lost on weight, on antidepressants and on the waiting list for counselling.

Her being a bunny boiler really helped him pull away with nothing but shame over what they had done and utter contempt for both himself and her.

Thanks Akire.

To me, the OM isn't really relevant as a person. He was just a mirror. I needed someone to reflect good things back at me and tell me how special I was. That lasted for three weeks then I had my fog lifting moment and tried to pull away. When I did that I was able to see my true reflection, not pretty.

After reading some of these posts, I am soooo glad that we live far far away from OW. I couldn't imagine having the constant threat of a crazy AP showing up when ever and where ever. Some scary stuff there, ladies and gents. Stay safe. :)

At least once a month, the AP would send a short text/email/IM. My favorite was the "?????" message. On his birthday, she sent no less than 6 messages.

She blogged about stalking, I mean "coincidentally" spotting FWH when she went to our local ice cream shop. (He drives by it on the way home from work.) She passed three other places where she could have gotten a cone for her fat ass. She also blogged about some drive-by's of our home and of her determination to restart their "friendship."

When we blocked her cell, she got another phone to text him from.

After 15 months of ignoring it, FWH went to an attorney who had a warning delivered via a process server.

Not that long ago, she blogged about how she thought the letter was phony and was an elaborate plot concocted by me to scare her. I almost wish she would test that theory as the next step would be to have her pathetic ass arrested.

Throughout it all, my FWH kept saying "I didn't think she was like this." After seeing some of the correspondence throughout the cheating, any idiot would have seen she was obsessed with her "boyfriend." Apparently my idiot was more focused on his romantic "I want a blow job" emails.

Much as it was scary, particularly the stalking part, I always felt she did me a favor by showing her cray-cray side. If he had any fond memories of the A, she got rid of them by being such a loon.

Great responses. Thank you all.

Update: My H does not retrieve his voicemails, so last night I went through his phone. Yes, you guessed it. That cray cray donkey left 2 messages:

(1) "Oh I forgot, you can not talk to me on this phone. I'll Call you on your work phone".

He can't block work phone, but hangs up whenever it tries to contact him.

Leaves message on personal phone:

(2) "You better stop TheBestMe from harassing me. Calling me c-nt and whore. This is harassment. I am going to an attorney and will see you in court. She doesn't know what I can do to her."

This is typical desperate AP behavior. Another ploy to break NC. My H and I discussed this at 4AM this morning. We reminded each other not to drop our guard. I said to him "How much you wanna bet that some man will start calling or texting saying that he is my AP?" So predictable.

@Sister - Before my H confessed the LTA, for years he'd run in the house before me and check the messages. He was always concerned about my safety. I had no idea that he was trying to "protect" me from this crazy a$$ beotch.

Things have changed. That donkey BETTER hope she sees me first I'm not taking these kickboxing lessons for naught. I will have a flashback into my pain and Bruce Lee her a$$.

[This message edited by TheBestMe at 7:40 AM, May 9th (Friday)]

Keep yourself safe TBM.

((BBT))

After dealing with this crap, caring for my terminally ill father and then the unexpected loss of my darling cousin, nothing scares me.

I do take extra precautions both inside and outside of the home. Also, by making the LTA known to just about everyone, I feel more secure. My family, friends and some associates understand this volatile situation and they have my back.

Wow. Just wow. I'm so sorry for the hell some of you have gone thru. But it all points to how personality disordered many of these OP are, and that yes, it is true, that they "always affair down". Some scary scary stuff.

I know this is a very serious thread, but TBM, this just cracked me the hell up:

I will have a flashback into my pain and Bruce Lee her a$$.

I know that in my case, the "bunny boiler" tactics did help my FWH see how crazy she really was and helped him to snap out of the A. The interesting thing is that it took so long. I believe that, before she came to our house to let me know about the A, my FWH was in some sort of denial--compartmentalization, fantasy, I don't know exactly what. But, she was displaying the crazy for years and he didn't really see it. Actually, he saw it, but didn't want to believe it, because then he would actually have to deal with it. He spent so many years trying to "manage" her. It is the reason the A went on so long, he could not see a way out without having to deal with the fall out.

In the end, there was no managing her. I don't know how many times he told me "She would never do that!" when I told him that it was clear to me that she was going to so something. Every time, she did it. I could see things so much more clearly than he could.

She was (is probably still) personality disordered. That is why I can now feel kind of sorry for her. She needs help and she will probably never get it. Normal people don't act this way--I just never knew there were so many abnormal people out there.

Oh, I think her being a Bunny Boiler truly opened FWH's eyes to what kind of a person she was.

At the beginning or R she tried to contact FWH by showing up at his (OUR) work. He told her in no uncertain terms he wanted nothing to do with her. Then she pulled the pregnancy card, and he told he he STILL didn't want her, so she left pissed saying "Let's see if Want2help wants you now?! I want to see Want2help's FACE when you tell her I'm having your baby!!"

From that point forward, her contact was ALL directed at me. Phone calls constantly. Messaging on social networking. She got in touch with FWH's XW through social networking, then my teenaged stepD's, and used them to infiltrate FWH's family, where she has STAYED.

Showing up at my house. Trying to show up at the birth of our DD. Getting a co-worker to inappropriately access my medical records. Going online to sign the hospital baby book with a message to my COM. I'm talking CRAZY.

FWH went from disgust (after living with OW during our S) to flat out hate and resentment for the way she tried to hurt me (and our COM), not to mention her role in ruining the relationship between FWH and his DDs from his previous M, whom are now adults and BFF's with OW.

Yeah, for us I am glad she was a Bunny Boiler.

not to mention her role in ruining the relationship between FWH and his DDs from his previous M, whom are now adults and BFF's with

OW

@Want2help - Are our H's related? OMG...the exact same situation. We surmised that is how she got most of her misinformation. Add my SIL in the caldron too. Bunch of unhappy BEOTCHS.

Fatal attraction did the OW Bunny boiler perfectly. The scene where she is constanlty calling and then hanging up scared me more than the bunny scene, That movie has given me night mares more than once. StillI cant resist watching it and watching my WH's reaction. hehe he sweats.

TheBestofMe, wow! Maybe we have the same inlaws?! Yes, since the affair, OW, XW, and stepDs all became BFFs. Then XW introduced OW to MIL (who is estranged from FWH) and SIL (drug addict we don't see). Now they're all one happy family!

As my FWH says, "Let them have one another! "