SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have a hard time figuring this out.

How can my W-exGF's married OM keep posting Instagrams of him and his BS, often in romantic poses.

I often wonder if my ex WGF ever sees the pictures and what she thinks when she sees them. It's obviously not enough to make her cut this creep out of her life, but then she is as guilty as he is. Afterall, she's been happily sleeping with a married guy for at least a year and a half now, even though she knows it would be career suicide if anyone found out.

I know infidelity is all about self-entitlement and not caring what their selfish actions do to those around them, but the depths of which some WS' go never fails to amaze me.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 10:18 AM, May 12th (Monday)]

He does it because he is portraying himself as a happily married man. He's able to do this because no one has told his BW that her husband has been having an affair for the last 18 months.

Why hasn't his wife been told?

ETA:

Nevermind..I found this posted a month ago, by you:

"No worries.. We had a debate about that on here a while back.

I believe the BS deserves to know. I did a lot of research and found her work email address (She is a marriage and family therapist).

The problem is, I have no idea if the A is still on going. My ex took this way underground and I have not seen the OM around here in several months.

The last time I read texts on her phone (She now locks it), she seemed to be expressing frustration to him about a lot of issues in her life, including "us". That was about two months ago.

I made a decision, for my own healing, which hasn't been going well, to stop looking and try to distance myself from this as much as I can.

I know and understand that the BS should know and by not telling her, or our Christian school, I am in effect facilitating the A. I'm not totally 100% decided on this. The problem is, I confirmed my suspicions by invading her privacy when I read texts on her phone. I'm not sure what the legal ramifications of that could be to me.."

As I said...he...and any other WS...does this because other people don't want to get involved for whatever reasons. I do feel bad for his BW. It seems everyone knows but the wife...and when she finds out...she will feel like fool. I know I did.

One thing...clearly you haven't stopped looking.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:31 AM, May 12th (Monday)]

Steve55,

How does this focus on your xGF help you? Why wouldn't it be much better for you to detach yourself? What's keeping you in this drama?

You guys are right, I do need to detach myself and I have been trying to do that. I have made a lot of progress from where I was, but I'm not there yet. It's very hard because I was so emotionally involved with her and I saw her as a possible life-companion and then the shock and awe of discovering the A, espcially the way I did. To complicate that, we work in the same office suite, so I see her every day here at school.

That said, I've kept myself distracted by getting back into golf in a big way and also reminding myself of two things; One, I dodged a bullet because this could have been much worse if we'd gotten married, 2. I remind myself of how I felt when I saw the sexts and what an idiot I'd been for months, being in love with her, thinking we were in a committed relationship, all the while she was sleeping with a married man.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 3:59 PM, May 12th (Monday)]

What are the chances of you moving on to a new job?

What are the chances of you moving on to a new job?

I've been looking, but there's not much available in my field in academia here. I keep looking every day, though.

A higher probability is she gets promoted to the Dean's Office and that solves the problem, at least as far as I'm concerned. Hopefully, with that being a possibility she'll drop the OM.

Steve, Didn't you break up with this woman last summer? If you've been OUT of this relationship longer than you were IN it (despite hopes for marriage) I strongly encourage you to seek Individual Counseling.

“Neurons that fire together wire together.” Are your thoughts stuck Steve?

she'll drop the OM

Remember, you're detaching. If you aren't going to tell his wife, this isn't your issue. Let it go.

I was just curious on the job thing. I think it is going to continue to be an uphill battle until you are away from her. A transfer? A move out of state?? Dunno. Just spitballing. Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for our own health.

Remember, you're detaching. If you aren't going to tell his wife, this isn't your issue. Let it go.

I was just curious on the job thing. I think it is going to continue to be an uphill battle until you are away from her. A transfer? A move out of state?? Dunno. Just spitballing. Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for our own health.

I think the best thing to do is to continue the process of detachment and hope she gets the promotion, which would really help me to move on.

If she doesn't get promoted, though I am pretty sure she will, then I need to work elsewhere because, as another respondent pointed out, it's been over a year and, while I am making progress, I'm not where I need to be yet emotionally. I had a great date on Saturday night with a woman I'd been seeing a few years ago. There's a good chance that will start back up.

Just an update on this.. 1. She got the big promotion. She starts her new job here at school on 8/1.

2. Their affair is still going on, but at least she will be away from me and maybe then I can make more progress healing.

I am sure it has been asked before, Steve, and I am sure you have a good reason, but why aren't you letting the BS know what her WH is doing?

I too would like to know why you haven't shared your knowledge of the affair with his wife? Do you think that's fair? How would you have felt?

Hi,

No, it's not fair. My heart goes out to his wife and four kids..I'd want to know.

That said, there are factors here that have precluded me from telling the OM's wife. I would not put it past him to physically harm me or threaten me. He is basically a thug. As a campus cop, he could possibly trump up some charges that could get me fired.

Also, I work with my wayward ex-GF every day and she is in a superior position to me. If her career were threatened by disclosure, I would not be surprised if at the very least she'd make my life so miserable here I'd want to quit and I can't afford to do that.

In any case, selfish as it is, she is moving on and out of my life. I need to end this drama and leave whatever happens to karma, God, whatever. I can't go on living under this cloud.

He was fired by the school a few weeks ago and there is some sort of investigation going on. It doesn't have anything to do with my ex's promotion, but I wouldn't be surprised if she gets implicated somehow before they wrap this up.

[This message edited by Steve55 at 3:49 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

In light of all that drama...

his getting fired, she is your ex, he is married, I say just stay out.

You need to worry about yourself. You are obviously in a lot of pain. Find yourself a good therapist. Talk about this with him or her.

I would also say continue to look for a new job... your ex being your superior is toxic like an oil spill, it will keep you from moving on, if you meet a nice new girl she will likely not be cool with the situation... basically just keep looking for a new job.

As far as the married guy and his wife? Who knows. It's impossible for you to know. Maybe she knows and she stays anyway. Maybe she suspects and doesn't want to confirm. He may have had affairs before. You are not the affair police. Stop looking at their online stuff and take care of yourself.

Best wishes.

Dear Absolut,

Thanks so much for your response.

Her promotion is in a different part of the campus. It's a major promotion too. I am certain not seeing her every day will boost my healing. I've already made progress, but I've decided if her move doesn't help to put this behind me, I will seek therapy.

I am pretty certain he's had affairs before. They have four children, two are from relationships previous to his BS. I wouldn't be surprised if he is a serial cheater. It's also possible that his BS cheated with him while he was with the mother of his second child.

It could very well be that she is aware of his cheating, but tolerates it because of the kids or something else he is holding over her. I am sure as well that my ex thinks she can change him, which we know is nonsense with a creep like that.