SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

IU if you find you can't eat anything try a protein drink or Ensure.

Do not feel shame or embarrassment. This is all on her and her issues. NOTHING you did causes this. Please remember that.

Good luck and try to stay as calm as possible. I know it's hard and something I could never do. If she chooses to go talk to a lawyer. They will help you and explain everything to you.

Good luck tonight. As others have said don't be be surprised if she goes anyway. Some of things I have heard on here make one shake their head.

I know it is not right, but I have so much shame, embarrasment, and saddness. I don't know what to tell people other than she's messed up and a liar. It's hard to get much done at work and I need to start eating, but my appetite is non existant.

You're right that you have done absolutely nothing wrong or nothing to deserve this. It's normal to feel this way though. I would think that most of us have felt this way. I've been having conversation with a close friend on the shame and embarrassment topic lately. It's hard not to feel that way because her cheating implies so many things about the marriage to other people. This is where your perception may be wrong. Sure, some people mauy have a narrow minded view, but really she is broken on some level and many people will realize this. There is nothing that you ahould feel shame or embarrassment for. Really!

I'm very sorry that she put you in this shitty position. Please know that we are here for you. Keep posting when you feel up to it even if it's just to vent how you feel.

Exposing this shit to her friend's BH will help. That friend of hers is not friend to you marriage and regardless of which way this falls, she can never be trusted.

Sending you strength and courage tonight.

yop

Be prepared for shock from her. She will herself be in shock that she was caught. Many times the WS has no clue they are about to be caught.

When they are caught, be aware, that she might say very defensive things out of shock. Some things like she hates you and about anything else out of a defensive posture.

She might also be very sorry, and I hope she is.

Above all, do not let her lie to you. Do not let her sweet talk you into believing her that nothing is going on to the point you believe her and let her go.

I'm glad you're giving her the sit down tonight. You'll be glad you did one way or the other. It will mean that you did everything in your power to save the marriage. Best of luck to you.

IU Hoosier

That;s what we all wanted to hear. I am sure we will all be waiting to hear how you hopefully laid the law down and did not buckle when she tries to bull shit you.

Don't cave. You are doing the right thing and see the lawyer.

So sorry you find yourself here brother. I am happy youre taking such a firm stance with regards to this situation. I had a chance similar to yours and failed miserably on my confrontation before and in the end she had sex with another man. If I could do it again I would absolutely take the line in the sand approach you are planning to take. Everyone is right when they say be prepared for the worst. The waterworks will come, the hysterics, the minimizing. There is a commonly used phrase to keep in mind moving forward; whatever the outcome of tonight turn the volume down and watch the tv. Words at this point are unequivacobly meaningless, actions are all that matter. Crying and hysterics are not actions, kicking her friend out of her life, going to IC, being transparent, changing her number, etc. that is ALL that matters. Strength to you.

I know she is going to try and mess with my head. She's on the way home now and just sent a text saying "I'm so excited to see you tonight!" I'm going to hold my ground and make her decide.

Good luck! Don't let her gaslight you and stay strong. You got this.

Just be cool, you never know how she will react.

Just keep your calm demeanor and calm temper.

Fighting gets nowhere. The blame game also gets nowhere.

Good luck tonight. I hope things work out for you.

GO IU! Thought you could use support from another Hoosier fan. I think most of the advice above is on target. Don't let this go forward. My story is on my profile, it is hard enough to recover from what has likely already taken place, and even harder if it moves forward. You need to confront your wife, which I think you had planned on doing tonight.

And your wife's friend is not a friend of the marriage and thus serves no positive purpose in your lives.

We are all in your corner and rooting for you, be strong.

I just told her everything and she is just sitting there. Keeps saying she doesn't know what to do. Do I just take that as my answer and say done?

Very few find remorse from the start. Watch the tv.

I feel your pain, don't give up on your wife or your marriage that easy. You don't have to make any decisions right now.

I think more will follow with better advice, but I wouldn't recommend threats or ultimatums.

Let it soak in for her. You said what was needed to be said. Now wait and see what actions she takes. You already decided what your plan is - if she leaves you call an attorney. If she stays, you both talk about timeliness, transparency, NC, IC with the OM and her friend, work on the marriage. Bide your time. Be patient.

Regardless of what she does or doesn't do you STILL need to tell the so called friend's BH.

Also, you mentioned this affecting your work. Talk to your boss and let him know the situation. More often than not, they are very understanding and give you the flexibility and support.

Yep no threats nor ultimatums. I just recommend being calm and insisting on complete truth...let her know that complete honesty is an important first step....and as many have suggested...watch the t.v.

and tell the other BH. do NOT tell your wife that you are doing this.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 9:16 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]

Her turn, not yours. Just tel her you want her to make a decision by herself, not prompted by her cheating gf whose fun & games will be disrupted.

Be prepared for an eruption. Of anger, tears, accusations of privacy invasion, and the like. Be a broken record,about her choice to stay and work on the marriage or leave, but not as your wife.

You cannot control what she does now, but you know you have done the right thing to save your marriage. Her choice now.

Have you contacted OH? Yours may try to contact her gf to warn her the game is up.

Also, you mentioned this affecting your work. Talk to your boss and let him know the situation. More often than not, they are very understanding and give you the flexibility and support.

I'd have to recommend this as well. Last thing you need right now is to add stress or worry about performance at work on top of everything else you have going on.

You'll be doing yourself no favors if you don't give somebody at least one level above you a heads up on what's happening. If your employer knows that you have a situation at home, then your employer can make allowances - if they don't know, then they can't.

And I'm rooting for you along with everybody else here.